


I Dare You...

by rachelladeville



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mentions of heterosexual fondling, mentions of f/f pairings, underage teens making out and petting heavily, watching porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:53:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6692212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachelladeville/pseuds/rachelladeville
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From elementary to high school, those three little words have pushed Dean and Cas to do a lot. Together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meg and Lisa

**Author's Note:**

> My dog edited this. Blame him for any and all mistakes.

Dean’s heart was pounding… and his mouth was dry… he licked his lips and continued to nibble nervously at the jagged edge of his fingernail. He’d bitten two others down to the quick already but couldn’t stop.

The room was pitch black save for the TV screen. On it, Sally was screaming bloody murder as “Grandpa” parted the lips on his lifeless face to suck languidly on blood from her finger.

Until now Dean had presumed the old man, stiff and unblinking in his chair, to have been dead and wasting away. The terror of the movie had now stepped over the line between fear and revulsion. He was almost sick to his stomach with disgust.

“Dude! This is fucked up, man!”

“I know!” whispers Cas as he tugs the blankets up higher and scooches down lower in the bed, “I thought he was a corpse!”

“Shut it off man, I can’t take anymore!” Dean begs.

“Fuck no! We told everybody we were going to watch it. We have to finish.”

“I don’t give a shit anymore!” barked Dean, squinting his eyes and moving his teeth from finger nail to thumb nail.

“Suck it up Winchester,” commanded Cas, “when someone lays a down a dare, you gotta take it. You said so yourself.”

Dean hated having his words thrown back at him and his brain searched for a loophole to exploit as his teeth worked his thumbnail down to the tender pink skin along its edge. “No one said we had to watch with the fuckin lights out, did they!” he challenged loudly.

“Nope, sure didn’t,” confirmed Cas, practically gleeful as he realized the brilliance of Dean’s suggestion. The movie would be much easier to tolerate under the cheerful warmth of an overhead light.

“Well, what are you waitin for?” Dean prodded, “Turn the damn lights on!”

“You go.”

“No you.”

“Why me?”

“Your house, man. It’s your room and your light. You go.”

Cas had kicked the covers off and begun to up, but was now paused and looking back at Dean with both feet still on the bed. On screen, Sally’s eyes were wide with fear as Grandpa sucked her finger. Her screams of terror were swallowed up by the makeshift gag.

“What?” prompted Dean, eager for the lights to be on.

“I don’t wanna,” answered Cas tentatively.

“Why not?”

“I’m scared.”

“Me too man, that’s why we need the lights on!”

Cas softened his voice and averted Dean’s eyes in the minimal light, likely ashamed of himself as he confessed, “I don’t wanna put my feet on the floor. I feel like somethings gonna grab my ankle when I do.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “There’s nuthin under yer fuckin bed Cas. Just get up and turn on the light!”

“Easy for you to say! If you’re so sure there’s nothing under there… you go.”

“Fine!” Dean huffed as he tossed back the covers on his side of the bed. But as he moved to get up, he was seized by the same irrational fear. He knew there was nothing there… but to actually swing his legs out into the dark was harder than he’d thought it would be. More so, now that Cas had implanted the idea in his head. His mind raced with pictures of long bony fingers reaching out from under the bed and curling around his ankle. It was disturbing and frightening.

“C’mon Dean,” goaded Cas, using Dean’s own words against him and laying down a challenge that he knew his friend wouldn’t shrink from, “C’mon Dean, I dare you!”

Dean gritted his teeth and counted in his head, willing himself to lunge when he reached three. One, two, take a deep breath, three…

Dean leapt from the bed, landing as far from it as he could. His landing was softened by the thick rug that was centered in the middle of Cas’ hardwood floor, but he still felt the vibration as his impact was absorbed. He couldn’t move his feet fast enough once he was vertical and vaulted the three steps between his current position and the bedroom door. He could see the light switch there… bathed in soft flickering light from the TV. His fingers were but inches from their target when a loud banging in close proximity sent a jolt of fear up his spine. The noise had startled him to the point of leaping up off the floor and then both he and Cas let out screams suitable for a kindergarten girl who has found a snake in her dollhouse. 

With that, the door opened up and a slice of warm light spilled into the dark room from the hallway. It was sweet relief. Dean recovered himself enough to reach forward and flick the light on. Suddenly, the small TV on Cas’ dresser seemed harmless again. As did the under of Cas’ bed which was the home of nothing that hadn’t been pushed under there by Cas as he tried to avoid cleaning his room.

Now, fully ashamed of their girly screams, Dean and Cas both giggled loudly as Mr. Novak leaned into the room and said, “What are you boys doing in here?”

“Nothing,” hedged Cas, “Just watching a movie dad.”

“Well turn it down please,” he said firmly, “It’s after eleven and both your mother and I have to work in the morning.”

“Okay Dad,” agreed Cas. Dean watched his friend hop off the bed and move to the ancient TV set on his dresser and turn the volume down.

“What on earth are you boys watching?” the man asked as he glanced at the screen.

“Texas Chain Saw Massacre,” answered Dean.

“Well, at least you boys are watching the original and not the remake,” he chuckled as he stared vacantly at the screen for a moment. “Did you ask your mother if you could watch it? You know how she feels about you watching R-rated movies.”

“I’m ten years old, Dad.”

“That’s still a few years away from watching R-rated movies without asking. Besides, that one’s sure to give you nightmares.”

“Please let us finish, Dad,” whined Cas, “we already told everybody we were going to. We can’t back out of it now.”

“Alright. Just don’t mention it your mother, ok?”

“Okay,” said Cas as both he and Dean nodded along.

Mr. Novak retreated from the room with a grin, “Good night boys.”

“Nite, Dad,” answered Cas.

They crawled back in the bed and pulled up the covers. The light helped. It helped so much that they left it on long after the movie was over. They left it on all night long.

 

*~*~*~*

 

“You have to do it Cas,” goaded Meg, “It’s your turn. No welching.”

“They have a huge fucking dog. It’s going to start barking before I even get to the door!”

“C’mon Meg,” barked Dean, “Don’t be a bitch.”

“It’s Ding-Dong-Ditch. This is how the game works, Dean. He picked for me to do Mr. Henriksen’s house. Our principal. And I did it. Now I get to pick the next house. And I want him to do _this_ house.”

Dean watched her turn to Cas and say, “That dog bites too… run fast Clearance.” It was impossible not to laugh at the expression on Cas’ face. Dean looked over at Lisa and noticed she was grinning too. Cas, knowing he had no choice, turned and began walking stealthily along the white picket fence that lined the property while he and the girls moved down the block in the other direction. When they were a safe distance, they turned to watch. Cas was still a dozen feet from the door when the dog began barking, loud enough to be heard by them from the other end of the street.

Cas immediately started to run when the barking began and behind Dean, his entire group lit up with laughter. Cas darted across the front yard like a flash, took the steps two at a time and rang the doorbell in one fluid motion. He was off and running again in a heartbeat and Dean’s jaw dropped as he watched his friend, the track star, hurdle himself over the picket fence at break neck speed and sweep down the block towards them.

All were laughing as he slowed, jogging up to them with a satisfied grin on his face.

“Let’s go,” he said as he slapped Dean on the back, “I’ve got the perfect house for Dean to do.”

The group moved along behind Cas for several blocks before coming to a stop at the corner of Sixth and Shady Grove Street.

“Seriously Cas?”

“Yep.”

“That’s Sheriff Mill’s house.”

“Well, at least she doesn’t have a damn dog.”

“Well thank fuck for that,” laughed Dean, “I never could’ve made it over that fence. I would’ve been puppy chow.”

“So you’re going for it?” asked Cas.

“You sure there isn’t a better house somewhere?”

“Quit stalling Winchester. We all know you’re going do it.”

“Do you know how long my dad will ground me if Sheriff Mill’s brings me home again?”

“Again?” interrupted Lisa, “When did she bring you home before?”

“She caught us egging her mailbox last summer. She used cuffs. My dad had me scrubbing the bathroom floor with a toothbrush before her car was even out of the driveway.”

“That was awesome,” laughed Cas as he clapped Dean on the shoulder and gave him a shove towards the house.

“I fuckin thought we were friends dude,” huffed Dean, looking at Cas out the corner of his eye, “You really gonna make me do this?”

“Yep. C’mon Dean… I dare you!”

Dean took a deep breath and turned from the group towards his the small ranch style house… the one with the longest driveway in the free world. As his group of friends headed off and left him to his work, he broke into an easy jog along the tree line. When he reached the corner of the garage, he cut across the driveway and broke into a sprint. He knew there were eyes on him so it was extra embarrassing when his toe caught on the front step and he fell on his face.

Adrenaline was coursing through his veins though, and he leapt to his feet and resumed his stride as blush colored his cheeks.

A quick push to the doorbell and he bounded away, picking up speed as he ran downhill towards the street. He was breathing heavily when he rejoined his little group. They made their way south with Dean choosing a nice, easy house for Lisa. It was, after all, her first time playing this game.

They stopped at the corner Gas-n-Sip on their way back to Cas’ house and bought slushies.

“What flavor did you get?” asked Lisa as they exited the store.

“Blue raspberry,” answered Dean.

“Let me see your tongue,” she grinned.

He stuck his tongue out at her.

“Eww,” she groaned, “You’re teeth are blue too. It’s soooo gross!”

“Let’s see yours then,” he responded.

“I got red.”

“So?”

“So my tongue is already red. You won’t see anything.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want a peek,” he flirted.

“Are you guys still coming over tonight?” asked Meg as they walked.

“Yeah,” said Dean and Cas in unison.

“Is this a back-to-school party?” asked Lisa.

“No,” said Meg with an uppity tone, “It’s a _my-parents-are-out-of-town_ party.” Dean watched her loop her arm around Cas’ neck and fall into step with him. He looked a bit uncomfortable, but Dean grinned anyway. Lisa was walking at his side and Meg was walking with Cas. It looked like they both had an interested girl. And tonight they’d be at an unsupervised party. Dean was hopeful that both he and Cas would score… have their first real kiss… and maybe… just maybe… feel a boob.

Dean smiled knowing that tonight would be awesome. And soon they’d be starting eighth grade. It was their last year of junior high. They were the oldest now, kings of the school, and at the end of the year they’d be in Driver’s Ed. There was so much to look forward to.

Cas was spending the night at Deans tonight, and Dean lived close enough to Megs that all they had to do was sneak out and walk over there. They fibbed easily at dinner… saying they planned to watch the Lord of The Rings series back to back tonight in Deans room. That made it easy to keep Sammy out… he was only nine and their mother felt him too young to see those films.

They actually did watch for a while, piled on Dean’s bed. He knew that his mother would pop in on them at some point so there was no use trying to sneak out until she had.

When she poked her head in the door, the pink robe she was wearing attested to her destination. Mary was headed for bed. “Would you boys like some popcorn and sodas?”

“Yes, please!” Dean answered enthusiastically.

A few minutes later, she was handing them a large bowl of popcorn and cans of Mt. Dew.

“Thanks mom,” said Dean sweetly as he took the bowl from her and hugged her goodnight.

A few minutes later, they were setting up the room. Dean programmed the video player to repeat the movie when it was over. Then he arranged the pillows under the covers to look like bodies and turned out the lights.

If anyone were to poke their head in… it would look like there were two boys in this bed that had fallen asleep watching a movie.

With everything in place, Dean crawled up onto the bench seat and carefully pulled up his squeaky window. Both he and Cas crawled out the window and walked softly over the garage roof. From the other end of the garage they were able to drop a few feet down to the roof of the shed. From there they could hop down to the wood pile and then the ground.

They’d been best friends for as long as Dean could remember and they’d done this several times before and had yet to be caught. The street was dark and empty as they jogged down it and cut through the park to get to Megs. Dean talked the whole way about how much he was hoping to feel up Lisa tonight.

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean’s third mention of it.

“Jeez Cas, like you don’t want to do the same thing to Meg.”

“I could give a shit about Meg’s tits.”

“Yeah, you always were more for the ass than the tits,” chuckled Dean. “Megs got a lot bigger boobs than Lisa does.”

“You feel her up then.”

“Nah, she want’s you already. I can tell. You have a better shot with her.”

Cas nodded, knowing Dean had a thing for Lisa. He’d been listening to his friend talk about her for weeks… ever since she’d told her friend to tell Cas to tell Dean that she thought he was cute.

And Dean had been right about Meg too. From the moment they arrived, she was on him like stink on shit. He’d never noticed before how pushy she was with him. But now that Dean had pointed it out? Yeah, he could see plain as day that Meg wanted to be his girlfriend.

She had been looking right at him when she’d suggested playing seven minutes in heaven. A large group of them had then settled in a circle to play. One of the girls had agreed to play, but only on the condition that they reduce the time from seven minutes to three. Cas had to laugh at how arbitrary that seemed. He laughed again at the strange magic that seemed to put him in heaven with Meg almost immediately.

He looked over at Dean and thought about how much he didn’t want to go into the closet alone with her for three minutes. He knew what would happen. There was no way to get out of kissing her, whether he liked it or not. If he didn’t perform well, she’d tell everyone. If he did… she’d only want more.

His eyes flicked to Dean as he stood from the circle and followed Meg. He tried to look like he wanted to go because, well, what kind of boy wouldn’t want to go?

Dean gave him an encouraging wink, but it didn’t have the desired effect. It only made him want to leave; to retreat to Dean’s bedroom and snuggle up to watch the movie that they’d used as their cover story tonight.

Dean must’ve sensed he was nervous because he hopped and put his arm around Cas’ neck.

“Ya nervous?” he asked.

“Not sure,” shrugged Cas.

“C’mon this is easy. Just kiss her the same way you’d kiss your moms cheek, but then freeze frame. Don’t pull away. The rest will just happen.”

“Who told you that? The kissing fairy?”

“C’mon and get in there buddy,” encouraged Dean.

Cas glanced at Meg, she was standing in a group of girls and likely getting similar encouragements. Though Cas was doubtful that she needed any.

Dean could see that Cas’ nerves were getting the better of him. So, he did what any good friend would do. He gave a little push. “C’mon, Cas. I dare ya!”

Knowing there was no further discussion, Cas put a hand to the closet door and opened it. With his free hand he gestured for her to enter and she gave him a devilish smile as she walked past him and stepped in. As he moved into the dark and closed the door he heard Dean’s words again replay in his head, “… I dare ya…”

Cas couldn’t help but wonder why those words seemed to carry so much weight. He pushed through the coats that hung in the closet and kicked shoes out of his way so he could sit down on the floor. A moment later he felt Meg settle beside him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt her hand come to rest on his thigh.

Dean’s face flicked to mind… his mischievous smile and sparkling green eyes. His words echoed through Cas’ mind over and over in a layered soliloquy “…C’mon Cas… I dare ya…”

It was pitch black. He couldn’t see his hand in front of his face. The image of Dean was so reassuring that he decided to just keep that in mind. It worked well. He could almost imagine Dean in the closet with him, encouraging him. He saw his friend’s easy smile and it was Dean’s face that was floating in the darkness behind his eyelids when lips pressed to his. It was almost as if Dean had kissed Cas himself. He’d never thought about it before, but for some reason, the thought of kissing his friend wasn’t revolting like it should be. In fact, it was the opposite. The thought made him warm all over; heat spreading out from his core to his extremities slow and smooth like honey or molasses. The three minutes went by fast.

.


	2. Lisa and Charlie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super big thank you to Ravenwolf36 for editing this at lightning speed! :)

Dean watched the door intently. As nervous as his friend had been going in there… he half expected to see the door to fly open and Cas take off running. He chuckled softly at the thought. He tried to focus on the circle of friends around him, but thoughts of what could be happening in the closet occupied his mind.

He hopes that it’s going well for Cas. His friend is shy about these things… kissing… girls… it’s adorable.

When the door opens, Cas comes out. He doesn’t look especially shell shocked, but he doesn’t look overly satisfied either. He holds the door open for Meg who is wearing a cat-ate-the-canary smile. The two settle back down in the circle and soon another couple is up. Cas isn’t looking at Dean. At all. He doesn’t know what to make of it.

Eventually, though a bit distracted, he’s excited when his moment comes. He glances at Lisa. She doesn’t look nervous at all. She stands and walks around the outside of the circle. He does the same, eventually meeting her at the closet door. Feigning confidence, he opens the door and ushers her in. He only looks back at Cas for a split second, but his friend drops his eyes to the floor… still not looking at Dean. Weird.

His attention snaps back to the closet and he works to get the lay of the land. It’s pitch black and he can feel Lisa ahead of him. He reaches out to steady himself and his hand finds her arm. They sink down together and the contact makes it easier to find her mouth. He wordlessly pushes his against hers and begins pushing his tongue in. This is his first kiss, but Lisa doesn’t need to know that. He knows how this is supposed to work. He imitates what he’s seen on TV and in movies, bringing his hand up to touch her cheek. He’s surprised by how little he actually _feels_.

He’d expected himself to be turned on, but he’s not. All his attention is on the mechanics of it. He cups his palm over her cheek and slides it down to her neck. He’s seen that done again and again on screen. He pats himself on the back for doing it right. He knows he’d wanted to touch a boob. That had been his goal of the night. But how? They never show that part on TV. Even in movies… love scenes always skip over this awkward part. What should he do?

It’s less than a foot of distance from shoulder to boobs. But it may as well be ten miles. He has no idea how to tactfully work his hand down there. He’s been in this closet for less than a minute and he’s already exhausted his knowledge of how to act.

Lisa seems content. She’s resting her arms around his neck and seems to be focused entirely on their kissing. He’s not enjoying it much. It’s okay, but it’s not what he wanted. He tries to focus on moving his hand lower. Her soft cotton shirt is thin under his hand and she doesn’t seem to mind that his hand is moving. But he chickens out and rather than sliding his hand down over her breast, he slides it down her arm and over the bend of her elbow.

He feels her pull away and tries to think of something to whisper to her in the dark, but is relieved to find that she was just pulling back to tip her head in the other direction. He gratefully slides his tongue back into her mouth, glad that he wasn’t required to speak. Meanwhile, his courage is building as he runs his hand up and down her arm. He literally counts to three in his head… hoping for the courage to man-up and grab a handful of tit.

1… 2… tit. When she doesn’t pull away, he relaxes and lets his hand cup her perfect breast. It’s warm in his hand and though he’s thrilled that he’s gotten what he wanted, it’s strangely unsatisfying. Perhaps it would be better skin on skin?

Bolder now, he drops his hand to her thigh and begins working his fingers up under her shirt. She’s letting him… it’s very exciting. He’s thrilled with his prowess as he feels the soft skin of her stomach under his fingers. Unchecked, he raises his hand higher and soon bumps into the soft lump of flesh that’s strung up in lace and satin.

The satin is nice as his fingers slide over it and her flesh is warm. But as he cups her and holds her, he’s stunned by his body’s lack of response. He may as well be holding an apple.

She’s affected… he’s starting to notice that her breaths are shorter and her kissing has gotten sloppy. He’s wondering what to do next when there’s a knock at the door.

Both of them exhale and pull apart. Their time is up.

The lights of the living room are bright compared to the darkness of the closet. He blinks against it as they emerge to snickers and a low whistle from someone. He settles into his place at the circle. He looks to Cas, expecting his friend to be curious. He moves to give his friend a thumbs up that he’d done what he set out to do tonight. But Cas still isn’t looking at him.

They’ve known each other since kindergarten and only had a handful of disagreements in that time. But this feels like that… like he’s getting the cold shoulder. But why? He hasn’t done anything. Has he?

Dean spends quite a while contemplating what might be wrong between he and Cas. He comes up with nothing. Perhaps his friend had needed better advice before entering the closet? He’d rolled his eyes and made that remark about the kissing fairy… maybe he’d been more scared than he he’d shown? Maybe Dean’s helpful push hadn’t been so helpful?

After all, his own experience hadn’t been what he’d thought and he hadn’t been nervous at all. Well, not as much as Cas anyway. So, maybe that was it. Maybe Cas was a little pissed at him for his less than stellar advice of how to kiss. Perhaps he’d taken Deans advice and found it to be shit. Possible.

He’d been stunned by how little he’d enjoyed his time in ‘heaven’ with Lisa. If that was heaven… he’d take a slice of pie and secret shower wank any day of the week over heaven. Maybe Cas had felt the same?

Maybe they’d both been duped. All the boys talked about tits as if they were the Holy Grail. But maybe that wasn’t Dean’s thing? Cas was a self-professed ‘ass man’. He much preferred to look at butts than tits. Maybe Dean was an ‘ass man’ too? Perhaps instead of grabbing a handful of tits he should’ve reached around the back and grabbed that? As the party swirled around him and Lisa continued to press into his space, he found himself distracted and abandoned thinking of it.

But regardless of the closet time, the party or the cold shoulder he was getting from Cas, Dean found himself becoming more and more curious as the night wore on. In fact, his curiosity was eating him alive. He was just dying to know whatthe _hell_ had happened in the closet with Meg.

Lisa was beginning to annoy him too. One quick feel in the closet wasn’t worth having her on his arm all fucking night. He was tired of her mundane chatter and the constant hand holding. It was becoming increasingly difficult to tolerate her and her cackling friends.

When he looked up and saw Cas staring in his direction, he shot pleading eyes to his friend in the hopes that they could leave now. Cas seemed to be debating for a distended moment but then he nodded. With relief Dean detached himself from Lisa’s grip, literally peeling her sticky fingers away from his.

“I gotta go Lis,” he said as he stepped away, “Cas is sleepin' over tonight and he’s ready to head out.”

She seemed sad to see him go and to his surprise, she leaned in and pecked his lips. It was nothing really, a good bye kiss. But he found himself further repulsed by it and had to work not to let it show on his face. He’d completely lost control of the situation. He’d gone from encouraging her so he could get some… to playing defense and wondering how to get rid of her.

Strange night.

As he moved across the room to where Cas was standing he noticed that Meg was nowhere nearby. Cas was leaning on the wall next to Benny, their mutual friend, and making fun of those who were dancing. Looking over at the flock of girls in a circle he had too chuckle too. Clearly these girls thought they were setting the place on fire. In reality? They looked ridiculous. The three spent a few minutes together, but when Dean saw Lisa making her way across the room to him, he looked at Cas and said, “Dude. I gotta get outta here.”

“Aww c’mon brotha,” wheedled Benny, “If that was chasing me across the room… I’d let ‘er catch me.”

“Have at it,” laughed Dean, “Her tits don’t make up for her mouth.”

They all shared a laugh and despite still not looking at Dean much, Cas pushed off the wall when Dean did and moved with him to the door.

When they stepped out into the night, a soft breeze was blowing. Heat lightning was bouncing around in the cloud bank on the horizon while the sky above them remained clear and full of stars.

“Spill it Cas. What’d I do to piss you off,” gruffed Dean the moment the door shut behind them.

“What makes you think I’m pissed?”

“Dude! You haven’t talked to me all night! What happened in the fucking closet?” he demanded.

“What you said…” his voice trailed off.

“What? What did I say?”

“You said to just let it happen. I did... and it was fine.”

“How far did you get?”

“What do you care?” asked Cas tersely. Dean noticed that despite speaking freely, Cas still wasn’t looking at him.

“I… I don’t know. I guess I’m curious.”

“About what Dean? Why do you want to know what I did with Meg? I’m not the least bit interested in what you did with Lisa.”

“Well fuck, Cas, I just thought we were friends. We’ve always told each other everything.”

Cas was silent for a few strides before finally responding. Dean watched his face soften.

“You’re right Dean. I’m sorry. I just… I guess… I was just weirded out because it wasn’t what I thought it would be. It wasn’t like I expected.”

“Yeah, me either,” volunteered Dean. He was almost relieved to hear his friend say he’d had a similar experience. He’d been starting to wonder if there was something wrong with him.

“Really?” asked Cas – stopping dead in his tracks.

“Yeah,” Dean admitted, rubbing his hand nervously on the back of his neck, “It just didn’t do much for me? Like, I thought it would be awesome but it was just kind of…” he was searching for words. But words were more Cas’ department. “It was just… Not. Awesome.” With that admission hanging between them, Dean turned and resumed walking.

“Right?” affirmed Cas, hustling to keep up.

“Yeah. And she fucking annoyed me all damn night. Sooo not worth it,” laughed Dean.

“Me too. I already didn’t like Meg all that much. Now I fucking hate her. She made up this lame nickname for me and it sucked! She had all her fucking friends calling me Clearance. I don’t even get it!”

“It really sucked having you not talk to me all damn night. You didn’t have to ice me out like that” grumbled Dean as they turned onto his street.

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to have to tell you that I didn’t like it.”

“You didn’t like getting it on with Meg?”

“Not like I should’ve. I don’t really like her, but it shouldn’t matter, right? If I like her or not? Doesn’t matter to the other guys. They’ll take it any way they can get it. Even if they hate the chick.”

“Well, you’re better than them Cas. Maybe you just didn’t like it because you didn’t like her - and you’re too good of a person to get it on with a girl you don’t really like. I can see it being like that.”

“What about you Dean?”

“I guess I’m not a ‘tits man’. I must be an ‘ass man’ like you!” he laughed. “Honestly, it was kind of a letdown. I had a fucking perfect handful and she was so into it… but I just kept feelin’ like ‘Is this it?’ ya know? Like ‘is this really what I’ve been waiting for?’ Cause it was nuthin man. Nuthin.”

Cas nodded understanding and hefted up onto the wood pile. Dean climbed up after him and bent over, lacing his fingers together. Cas put his foot into Dean’s waiting hands and hopped. With Dean giving him a boost, he was easily able to hoist himself up onto the roof of the shed. Once he was up there, he leaned over the edge and reached out his hand.

Dean slid his hand into Cas’ and put a foot on the wall of the shed. With Cas pulling from above he was able to crawl his way up to the roof and pull himself up onto it.

They crossed the shed roof carefully. It was corrugated aluminum and if it puckered beneath their feet it would be noisy and give them away. When they finally slid through Dean’s bedroom window they fist-bumped at their success. The room was as they’d left it. Again, they’d bested the parents.

They changed quickly into sleep clothes and crawled into bed, queuing up a video game. The party went on without them for less than an hour and soon they were getting texts from friends who were now home and bored rather than enjoying a party.

A few weeks later, with school now back in session, Dean found himself the happy recipient of a laptop. He already had one from school. Each student had received one on the first day. But so many sights were blocked that it sucked the fun out of having it. Plus, you couldn’t download anything onto it either. And, he didn’t dare surf for porn on it. It wasn’t worth risking being caught. If the school called his mother to say they’d had to wipe porn from his search history… he was a dead duck. Not worth it. But now, with his father having gotten a new one, Dean was now the proud owner of a laptop he could _actually use_. He was allowed to visit any website he wanted (within reason) and stream movies and download music.

Another development that made him happy was the end of his brief affair with Lisa. He had moved on. His new girl was fricking awesome! She was the complete opposite of Lisa. Her name was Charlie and she didn’t give a flying fuck if her shoes matched her hand bag. She was into all the same games and movies as Dean. She was perfect. She’d come over and play games with him, make jokes, it was practically like having another Cas around. A real friend. And sometimes, they’d make out.

Usually it started with her making some innocuous comment and they’d both just shrug and start making out. It was so easy with her. Like today. She’d been settled at the foot of Dean’s bed with a controller in her hands. Having lost again, she was irritated.

“I need a break from this,” she’d announced as she got to her feet. “Wanna spend some time in Rivendell?”

“Sure,” Dean chuckled as he tossed his controller aside. He’d never outgrown his love of the Lord of the Rings series. As she was busy digging through his mess to find the right DVD, he grabbed his phone and tapped out a quick reply to Cas. His friend had been dragged out shopping with his mother and was not happy about it. Dean shot him a snarky reply and told him to bring his ass over when he finally got home.

Then, as Charlie grabbed the remote and returned to the bed, his mother pushed open the door.

“Dean,” she chastised, “I’ve told you, when there’s a girl over, you have to leave the door open a crack.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with an eye roll.

“Nice to see you again, Charlie, would you guys like some popcorn?”

“Yes!” she said with a freckled grin, just as Dean said, “No!” in the hopes of keeping her out of his room.

Dean watched his mother laugh and disappear from his doorway. Charlie settled in on her stomach, remote in hand. She was stretched out with her head near his feet and her feet near his elbow. Without thinking much of it, he let his hand come to rest on her calf. "Can I forward to the part where Arwen rides for the river with Frodo?” she asked enthusiastically.

“Sure,” he chuckled, knowing it was one of her favorite parts. It didn’t take long for him to get into the movie. He could actually feel her tensing under his hand when Arwen splashed into the river on horseback.

“If you want him… come and claim him” Arwen goaded onscreen. Charlie was mouthing the words along with her. Dean caught himself chuckling at her enthusiasm. It was infectious.

“What?” she questioned, looking over her shoulder at him.

“Nothing,” he grinned, “I love that you love it.”

“What’s not to love?” she smirked, “Arwen's fucking hot.”

“Wanna make out?” he asked her.

“Not when your Mom’s on her way up here with popcorn.”

“After?”

“Sure.”

And that’s how it was with Charlie. Making out with her was considerably more fun than it had been with Lisa. She seemed to like it when he played with her boobs, but it didn’t do much for him. Not that he’d ever let on. What he really wanted was for her to touch his junk. But she’d never done it. He’d wiggle his hips when her hands wandered over them, which is as close as she ever got. But no matter the signals he tried to give her, she never put her hands down there.

Cas wasn’t much for talking about sex stuff. Actually, he avoided the subject like it was a plague. But the few times he’d prodded his friend into talking about what got him hot? It was asses. And now, watching Charlie’s ass covertly, he found his friends words echoing in his head.

“I like to imagine,” Cas had whispered to him in the dark, “my hands tugging down jeans and watching as the cheeks come out… maybe it’s gross to you… but I think I want to lick it. It’s what I picture when I jerk off.”

Candid words. Cas so rarely talked of these things that Dean knew he was speaking in strict confidence and he’d been careful not to make his friend sorry for telling him. Now, watching his girl wiggle on his mattress, he was imagining it. His hands tugging down her jeans and watching as he cheeks appeared, possibly a thong sliding down between them. His mouth watered. Yeah. He was an ass man for sure.

Later that night, when Charlie had gone home for curfew, he and Cas were sprawled on his bed watching YouTube videos. They were laughing so hard and carrying on so loud that they’d gotten a knock and a stern warning from John.

“You boys quiet down! I have an early day tomorrow.”

“Yes sir,” they both answered as they rearranged themselves on the bed. Dean turned down the sound on his laptop and pulled it up the bed. Both boys settled in on stacked pillows next to each other with the computer between them in.

Dean had searched “ass man” on YouTube in honor of Cas and they were having trouble keeping their laughter quiet as they watched “Ass Monster Vs. Ass Man”.

“Dude, now that you have this laptop, you can watch porn. I’m so jealous!” marveled Cas.

“I haven’t yet,” chuckled Dean, “I’ve been waiting to see if they check it. I can totally see my mom taking it away so she can tap into what I’ve been looking at online.”

“You’ve had it almost three weeks Dean,” his friend admonished, “If they were going to check it, they would’ve done it by now.”

“Ya think?” Dean questioned.

“Your mom? I _know_.”Cas reassured him.

“Okay, well, what should we look up then?”

“I don’t give a fuck Dean,” purred Cas eagerly, “something… anything…”

“Tits?”

“Yeah, cause that was so much fun in real life?”

“Alright then, asses it is!” Dean whispered with a wide grin.

“Not there!” barked Cas, “Use incognito.”

“What?”

“Up there,” gestured Cas, pointing to the small options menu.

“Cool…” hummed Dean, “I don’t have to clear my search? It’s like the porn gods have smiled on me!”

“I can’t believe you never knew that was there.”

When Dean typed “asses” in the search bar, he didn’t have to debate for a moment. His fingers pushed the cursor to “Hot Ass Gallery: The 25 Best Ass Photo’s on the Internet”

“Damn,” whispered Dean as the first picture popped up.

The two boys drew closer together as they hunkered down stare at the screen. Dean clicked to the second picture, “Holy Shit, Cas.”

“I know,” whispered Cas, “Holy fuck!”

.


	3. Charlie and Dorothy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Ravenwolf36 for cleaning up after me!

The top 25 ass pictures on the internet? Pretty fucking sexy. These girls were incredible. Every single one of them seemed to be fucking the camera with her eyes… and if these girls could talk they’d say, “We know you’re an ass man and we love it!”

Dean was all smiles as they flicked through the pictures. He glanced at Cas a few times and found his friend mesmerized too. The two continued to lean in closer… completely enthralled with the luscious sin sprawled out for them. With the top 25 under their belts they continued their search with “ass licking”. That led to a whole new world for both.

“Cas,” grinned Dean, “You said you wanna lick it… look… there’s a name for that!”

“Rimjob,” read Cas in a barely audible whisper, “Fuck, it’s called rimming. I’m not a freak! It’s a real thing… and there’s lots of people doing it!”

“I never thought you were a freak, Cas,” replied Dean quietly, “You don’t even want to know all the kinky shit that’s popped into my head since you first mentioned that.” He looked over at his friend just to see if his admission was being received well. After all, Cas had always been pretty shy about these things. Dean knew better than to think his friend was a prude. He wasn’t. Just private. Now, as their eyes met, he grinned and said, “You may have been the first to think of doing it, but now that you’ve said it? Man, I’m right there with ya.”

Cas’ responding smile was so wide and enigmatic that it was difficult to look away. Only the allure of plump shiny asses split with colorful thongs could’ve dragged his attention back to the screen.

“There’s videos Cas.”

“What are you waiting for?” pushed Cas, “Click on that shit!”

“Shhh” giggled Dean as he centered the cursor over the arrow and clicked. Instantly the small square jumped to life. Around it swam a barrage of ads for filthy things… it was hard to stay focused on the little box, especially in the early part of the video before clothes had come off. But soon enough they were naked and she was begging for cock. Dean and Cas leaned in to watch as she was artfully turned over. Her bulbous cheeks were tanned and firm and as she arched her back, the man smacked her ass as though he were spanking a child. Seeing it sent a jolt of electricity down Dean’s spine and immediately started his cock filling. It was a wonder he’d held off this long, chubby but not hard. He spent about half a second feeling ashamed of it – knowing it must be weird to pop a boner when his friend was laying so close. Hell, they were touching at shoulders, thighs and feet. Occasionally their hands would brush as they worked to keep the laptop level and hovering over both of them equally.

“Dude,” said Dean, feeling it was imperative to be honest, “I’m uh… I’m… Well, this is getting to me.”

“Huh?” responded Cas.

“Don’t make me say it man,” he whispered, tipping his head towards his lap to indicate the problem.

“Don’t worry about it,” reassured Cas with an eye roll, “I’ve got a rager too. I won’t look. Just please, don’t put it away. I don’t have a laptop!”

His response sent Dean into giggles again. Relieved that he didn’t need to feel guilty for sporting a ferocious boner while in bed with his buddy, he returned his attention to the screen.

“Damn,” he whispered, “Check that shit out…”

“Right? Holy fuck!” breathed Cas as they watched the man lean in and lick a wide stripe up his girl's crack. As he spread her cheeks apart with his hands, he seemed to get more into it too. He licked up and down and back and forth and he kept pulling back to look at it… again and again. Then he’d lean in and plunge his tongue in hard. Every time he did, Dean’s dick would pulse and leak. This was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

When that video was over, they moved on to another. The urge to touch himself was strong and hard to fight. Dean found himself biting his nails… something he almost never did anymore… just to give his hand and mouth something to do.

“Which one next?” he asked Cas in hoarse voice. There were so many to choose from it was hard to pick. It was like being in a candy store but being allowed to take all you wanted. They didn’t even know where to start! This was an incredible experience; his heart was pounding and he knew his breathing was too loud. In fact, they both were breathing heavily, it was rocking the screen constantly.

“That one,” said Cas, gesturing to a promising one, “I’m going have to use your bathroom soon, Dean.”

Dean busted out laughing, “Me too!”

The next video was even better than the last. For several minutes it was all zoomed in… they saw everything up close and personal. Cas swallowed thickly as he watched ass cheeks squirm and writhe in pleasure as a dark haired young man artfully tongue fucked like he couldn’t get enough. Then the man sat up on his haunches and they got the first look at his body, just in time for him to swing a huge dick into the frame. Both boys dropped their jaws open simultaneously as the man squirted oil all over those beautiful and voluptuous ass cheeks. They were wet and shiny and filled up the screen and then he pushed his giant cock right up between them. The little screen was filled completely with firm cheeks and a wide dick sliding between them. The man in the video didn’t fuck in. He just kept teasing… sliding his stiff and shiny dick up and down the crack again and again. It was the sexiest thing either of them had ever seen. No one was breathing… mouths were hanging open… eyes were glued to the screen.

Cas had to put his hand on himself and press down just for relief from the incredible force of his wanting. When he moved to do it, he noticed that Dean did too… probably every bit as excited as he was. Then, slowly, the camera pulled back. As more and more of the couple became discernable, Dean sucked in a ragged breath and his head swam. He’d never been so stunned in all his life. It was a guy. And another guy. Two guys. Two dudes. Holy fuck!

There were far too many emotions to process at once. Shock, excitement, fear, lust, shame… they swept over him like a tidal wave. But the strongest was shock. Just complete and utter shock. His reaction time was slow – but he managed to fumble both hands to the computer and slam the lid shut.

Both he and Cas laid there – unmoving. The two of them were both breathing heavily and had been for quite some time. But now, in the dark and in the silence Dean began to process. After the shock, came irritation. He couldn’t believe that kind of video had been mixed in with the type of videos they’d been watching. He also couldn’t believe that he hadn’t noticed the difference between a woman’s ass and a man’s ass.

As he calmed down a little more, he realized he didn’t need to feel bad or weird about it. Cas hadn’t noticed either. He turned to his friend. Cas was laying ramrod straight in the bed with his face pursed and his hand coving his eyes.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“S’okay,” Cas whispered back.

Dean dropped his head back to the pillows. His body was aching all over from holding tension in his frame for sooo long while they’d looked at pictures and watched videos. His stomach was churning and his dick was aching. He glanced downward, now able to see the obscene tenting of his covers where his erection was holding up the weight of the blankets and had been for some time. The blankets on Cas’ side of the bed were flat. Huh. No boner for Cas.

Immediately, Dean was overwhelmed with shame. Seeing guy on guy action… gay porn… that had killed a boner for Cas and sent his friend reeling to the other side of the bed. He was literally covering his eyes and likely wishing for the images to leave him alone.

Dean, however, was still rock hard. And if he was honest, he’d have to admit that aside from the surprise of it, the gay porn didn’t kill it for him. He could open up the computer right now and jump back into videos if he thought Cas was up for it too. But clearly he wasn’t.

“I’m gonna… go to the bathroom now,” said Dean. He hated what Cas must think of him for still needing to go take care of himself. But he knew Cas wouldn’t think any less of him because of it. He sheepishly crawled out of bed and headed for the bathroom, closing the door all the way before turning on the light.

Cas heard the click of the bathroom door, followed a moment later by the exhaust fan kicking on. With Dean gone, he peeled his sweaty palm away from his face and carefully perched himself up on his elbows. There was a sliver of yellow light coming from beneath the bathroom door. He winced at the hot, wet mess in his pants. He wanted to dig a hole, crawl into it and die.

When he’d seen a cock sliding between ass cheeks he’d had to work hard to hold back. But when the angle changed, he’d seen a man’s body rocking on the bed. There had been a dick swinging heavy between his legs and a cock at his ass. The man’s back had been bowed in pleasure. At the mere sight of it, he’d felt a surge of lust like never before. His body had locked up and he’d been powerless to stand against the force of it as he came. Right there. In his pants. In bed. Next to Dean.

Despite the cover of darkness, he’d hid his face like a coward and prayed that Dean wouldn’t look at him closely enough to put together what had just happened. Now, with Dean in the bathroom, Cas struggled out of the bed and staggered over to his bag. He dropped his sleep pants to the floor and stepped out of them hastily. Then he used the cleaner portions of his cotton boxer briefs to wipe up the residual mess from between his legs. He buried them in the bottom of his bag and picked up his sleep pants from the floor.

With a silent prayer he felt them over for wet spots. Thankfully, there were none. The mess had been contained in his underwear. If they’d been wet, he would’ve had to sleep in his jeans. With no undies. Ugh. He hopped back into bed, thankful that he’d be able to sleep in cotton and not denim. But it still felt weird to be going commando in his friend’s bed. He tried to calm himself as he waited for Dean to return from the bathroom, but it was difficult. His mind was racing.

When he heard the fan shut off and the door start to open, another wave of humiliation hit him. He didn’t want to see the look on Dean’s face and try to guess if his friend knew his dirty little secret or not. So he rolled over and faced the wall.

He listened as Dean shuffled around the room, taking the laptop from its resting place on the bed and moving it back to his desk. Cas locked his frame to keep his body still as the bed moved beneath him when Dean crawled in. It was quiet for a very long time. Eventually, Cas’ body began to ache and he longed to roll over and lay on his other side. But he just couldn’t face Dean while his mind was swimming with so many unwelcome thoughts. The most persistent wasn’t a new one. The question had been niggling at him for a while now. But in the wake of what had just happened, that same question now danced behind his eyes in bright neon colors. AM I GAY?

And the longer he laid there contemplating the question, the clearer the answer was. Yes. I am gay.

 

 

 

Cas had no idea that he’d even fallen asleep. But now, there was knocking at the door.

“What?” growled Dean from under the covers beside him.

“It’s almost noon, how late are you boys planning to sleep?” Mary teased through the door.

“Wake us up when it’s lunch!” he croaked back at her.

“It’s lunch!” she replied snappily through the door.

“We’re comin!” he relented as he kicked back the covers.

Cas opened his eyes slowly, unsure of what to expect. But Dean looked like his regular self. Cas sat up and stretched before putting feet to the floor. By the time he was pulling yesterday’s jeans back on, Dean was already in the bathroom. It was obvious that any residual weirdness that Dean may have been feeling, had passed with the breaking of a new day. He was taking the world’s longest piss – with the door open.

Cas chuckled. When Dean came out of the bathroom he paid no attention to Cas, taking a fresh pair of jeans from his dresser and tugging them on. Behind him, Cas yanked on a t-shirt and ran fingers through his unruly hair. As he crossed the room, his attention was focused on Dean; he was still wondering if Dean knew his secret. If he did, he didn’t seem to care. As he was opening the door to the hall, Dean looked back at Cas with a wide smile and said, “I smell bacon!”

Cas returned the smile, happy to either have his secret safe or his secret accepted. Either way was fine with him. It was an added bonus that Mary had made BLT’s for lunch.

 

 

“Ugh. Meatloaf. Disgusting. I should let Mom pack my lunch,” complained Dean as they moved up in the line.

“At least there’s dessert today,” responded Cas as he eyed the Jello-cake being added to the trays ahead of them. The cafeteria was chaotic and noisy as they edged forward and let the faceless lunch ladies dump ladles of potatoes and gravy onto their plastic trays.

“Dude, did you see Sarah’s thong?” Dean inquired.

“When would I have seen that?”

“At any point today. It’s riding up above her jeans. Everybody’s talkin' about it,” chuckled Dean, “How have you _not_ seen it?”

“Don’t have a class with her til PE,” responded Cas. Over the past few days, Cas had come to realize that Dean wasn’t privy to his biggest secret. Otherwise he wouldn’t continue to talk to him about girls and thongs and stuff. If he suspected Cas was gay, he’d either be avoiding these topics or trying to figure out how to talk to Cas about the gay equivalent as a show of support.

So, Dean might know that he had cum in his pants… but he clearly didn’t know that Cas was gay. Which as far as Cas was concerned, was the secret that mattered most. It was the biggest secret he’d ever carried. The weight of it was heavy and it was affecting every aspect of his life. It had been much easier to wonder if he were gay then to know for sure. Cas was very uncertain of how to handle the inevitable changes that would accompany his newly discovered sexuality being made public. So for now, he was guarding the secret with his life.

So, primarily in the interest of keeping up pretenses, Cas often spoke of girls the way Dean did. Even though he really didn’t feel the same about them anymore.

“Did you see the new chick?” he asked as they grabbed their milks and cut through the crowd towards their table.

“There’s a new chick?” Dean asked brightly.

“Yep. Hot.”

“Scale of 1 to 10?”

“Solid 9”

“Talk to her?”

“Not yet.”

Just then, Charlie came bounding up. “What’s up bitches?” she greeted them as she settled at the table.

“Didja hear we got a new girl?” Dean asked her.

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen her yet. Hey, did you guys know they’re doing the Wizard of Oz for the musical this year?”

“Didn’t know. Don’t care,” laughed Dean.

“Are you going to try out Charlie?” asked Cas.

“Maybe, for a non-singing part,” she grinned, “Will you?”

“Maybe,” placated Cas, doubtful that he’d really be interested.

“Play practice is fun,” said Charlie to the group, “And… Mrs. Talbot is the director…” she waggled her eyebrows and zeroed in on Cas, “Wanna spend two hours a day getting bossed around by a super-hot chick?”

“Maybe,” he grinned. His smile was genuine, but it was because Charlie was a sweetie pie, not because the thought of Mrs. Talbot really piqued his interest.

“Dude, that’s her,” said Cas.

“Where?” asked Dean looking around.

“Right there,” said Cas, letting Dean follow his stare.

“She’s hot,” said Dean and Charlie in unison. The two of them looked at each other and exchanged a laugh. Then Dean looked to Cas and said, “Isn’t my girlfriend cool?”

Cas nodded, unable to deny that Charlie was one cool chick. Their entire table watched as the new girl crossed the cafeteria. She didn’t seem timid and shy like most new kids. She walked with a confident stride, her head held high as she surveyed the room. She got into the line and appeared to easily strike up a conversation with the girl in front of her. The three of them along with the rest of their table watched intently, wondering where the girl would sit.

“Maybe,” said Charlie, conspiratorially to the group, “we should be less creepy.”

Cas nodded, picking up his fork and elbowed Dean who then did the same. Though they were soon back to regular conversation, all of them were making covert glances at the new chick as she worked her way through the line. When she had her tray and her milk, she moved out into the sea of tables but she didn’t hesitate. She smiled and moved boldly forward until she was standing next to their table. She looked straight at Charlie and said, “Hey Red, mind if I join you?”

“Sure, have a seat,” grinned Charlie, making room between herself and Cas. “That’s a cool jacket,” she said, eyeing the vintage leather bomber.

“Thanks, it was my Grandpa’s. But if anyone asks, I got it at Sak’s,” she said with a wink. “I’m Dorothy. Dorothy Baum. But most call me Dori.”

“I’m Charlie, and this is Dean and Cas. That over there is Cole,” said Charlie as she gestured down the table, “and that’s his girlfriend Jo.” Both smiled and waved to her and then went back to whatever they were looking at on Jo’s phone.

Dori smiled, “Thanks for letting me park here… it’s never fun being in a new school. Lunch is always the worst.”

“You move around a lot?” Charlie asked her.

“Yeah, my Dad works for the government…. I don’t know much about what he does.”

Dean and Cas watched for a few minutes as the conversation shrunk down to just Charlie and Dori. The two were obviously hitting it off. When the bell rang, Dean and Cas headed for lockers and Charlie broke away to walk Dori to her next class.

After school they headed to Dean’s house and took turns playing Zelda for hours. But after Cas went home for dinner, Dean hit up Charlie to make out.

She agreed and they sort of glopped together in the center of the bed. They kissed a little and then she pulled her mouth away, and began leaving little baby kisses around his ears and throat. He slid his hand up inside her shirt unsnapped her bra so he could tease her nipples the way she liked. When her hand slid down his side and came to rest on his hip, he laid his on top of it and tried to gently push it lower. He was so hopeful… if she put her hand on his dick it would be amazing. He was sure of it. No hand but his own had ever touched him down there and he was certain that it would feel incredible. But, as he slid her hand lower, she pulled it out from under his.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

“Okay,” he agreed reluctantly, “You don’t have to.”

“You can touch me if you want to,” she said softly between kisses, “I just don’t think I’m ready to touch you yet.”

That was interesting. For some reason, he’d never even really thought about it. Considering it now, he slid his hand from the warmth of her breast and over the smooth skin of her stomach towards her crotch. His fingers bumbled over the waist band of her jeans and down over the stiff denim. When his hand arrived at the juncture between her legs, she parted them for him and he reached between. Until she giggled, he hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath.

He exhaled and tried to relax as he slid his fingers up and down, tracing the seam of her jeans in the vee of her legs and then he cupped her there. He had no idea what to do next. He didn’t feel anything, it was just smooth. She squirmed a little under his hand. It was this action that told him he needed to do something. He recognized the movement. When he wiggled his own hips like that, it always meant that she was close to doing what he wanted.

But what did she want him to do? His hand was there already. He tried sliding it back and forth again and all that did was get her hips moving more.

“Do you… do you like that?” he asked her.

“It’s okay,” she said, leaning in to kiss his lips lightly. “Do you like it?”

“It’s okay,” he told her honestly, “but I feel like you’re waiting for me to do more and I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s good when you move your hand, or even just press down.”

“Seems simple enough,” he smiled. He wondered if he was meant to enjoy this. It really wasn’t doing much for him.

“I would do you,” she said softly, “But I’m kinda creeped out by dicks. That probably sounds weird.”

“Are you kidding? Dicks are awesome! They’re sexy and fun.”

“Dicks are sexy and fun?” she said disbelievingly. “They seem… I don’t know… Just so… icky.”

“Have you seen one?”

“Um… yeah. I’ve seen pictures.”

“Do you want to see mine? You don’t have to touch it. You can just look at it.”

“Really?” she asked, obviously curious, “You don’t mind?”

“No,” he said, “You’re the coolest chick I’ve ever known. Whatever makes you comfortable. Just… don’t laugh at it okay?”

“I wouldn’t,” she said firmly.

Dean slid his hands up to his fly and undid the button and zipper. He slowly slid his jeans down enough to free himself and then carefully pulled himself out for her. He was halfway filled just from the thrill of having someone in the room who would be looking at it.

Charlie peered at it from above… her eyes roved over the length of him and then peeked up at his face.

“I really like you Dean. You’re not like the other boys. You’re a real friend. And… you never push me to do things I don’t want to. And plus,” she said with a lopsided grin, “Nobody has ever just shown me one before.”

“Do you think it’s sexy?” he asked her.

“Honestly,” she said, “It kinda looks like Gonzo’s nose.”

“Gonzo?”

“Yeah. Muppets. Ya know? Gonzo.”

Dean could see she didn’t mean to insult him. But he was a little put out that she hadn’t found him sexy, “Jeez Charlie, I take it back. Just laugh at it. It would hurt less.”

“I’m sorry Dean,” she said with a smile, “You can look at mine if you want. Will that make you feel better?”

“I guess,” he shrugged, “I’ve seen them before though.”

“Well, it only seems fair. And you don’t have to pretend to like it if you don’t,” she said as she worked her jeans down.

“What makes you think I won’t like it?”

“I’m just saying… you don’t have to fake it. If you like it, or you want to touch it, you can.”

Dean watched her pull her pants to down to her ankles, undies and all. When she laid back on the bed, he moved to his knees and peered between her legs. She spread her knees apart to give him an unobstructed view. He had to admit… it was nothing to write home about. In all the porn he’d watched over the last few days since he and Cas had seen their first butt pics, the titillation had been in watching something go in… fingers. Or better yet, a dick. Watching a dick go in. That was the cool part. What he was looking at now? It was the equivalent of looking at a fist. Nothing… unless there was a dick sliding through it. “Umm… it’s nice?” he said hesitantly.

At that, she snapped her legs together and began pulling her pants up. “C’mere,” she said as she laid back down. He laid down with her and they put arms around each other. She burrowed her head into the crook of his arm and he wrapped himself around her. Charlie’s hair always smelled like strawberry and he inhaled it deeply now.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“I really like you.”

“You too.”

“But, I think we have a problem?”

“What’s that?”

“Umm, I don’t think either of us wants what we thought we wanted.”

Dean had to admit, there was some truth to her words. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was that was missing. But there was something. He liked her better than any girl he’d ever spent time with. She was amazing. But she was right. They had a problem. At a loss for how to even ask her what was happening between them, he phrased his question as simply as possible. “What, Charlie, what do we want?”

“Someone else, I think.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“No. But I’m being honest with you. And I’m trusting you to do the same with me.”

Dean was silent for a long time, not sure of what to say. He really liked Charlie. She was the best girlfriend he’d ever had. He didn’t want to lose her.

“Dean, earlier, you said dicks are sexy.”

“They are,” he chuckled.

“To you they are. I wonder if you realize that most guys only think their own dick is sexy. I’ve never heard another guy say that other dicks were sexy. Just his own.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m asking if you’ve ever considered that you might like boys?”

Dean was stunned. He had no idea how to respond to that.

“I think it’s possible that I like girls. I mean, I’m pretty sure. I’ve been wondering about it for a while now. And after today, I’m really starting to think that… I think I’m a lesbian.”

“You took one look at my junk and you’re a lesbian?” he asked her, trying not to be perturbed.

“No,” she said reassuringly, “I was pretty sure before I looked.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. But after I met Dori, I’ve just been thinking of her all day. I like her a lot. And when I think about making out with her… I get way more excited than I’ve ever gotten by thinking of you. I’m sorry. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m just pretty sure that I’m not straight. Like, at all.”

“Wow,” said Dean softly. He was spinning with this new information. His mind couldn’t keep up. Not only is his girlfriend gay, but she’s asked him if he’s gay too. The strangest part of all of this, is that he can’t deny that it’s a plausible idea… him being gay. It would explain so much. Maybe that’s why he’d never really enjoyed touching tits like he was expecting to. Maybe that’s why it didn’t bother him to see two guys together. Maybe that’s why, sometimes, he feels like he wants to hug Cas. It happens occasionally, especially when they’re in bed. He feels like moving closer. He’d always assumed it was just their close friendship. But maybe it’s more than that? “How would I test it? Like, how can I know for sure if I’m gay?” he asked her.

“You mean aside from the obvious?” she said though laughter.

“What obvious?”

“Well,” she giggled, “you could always just try kissing a guy… see if you like it better than kissing me?”

“Do you know any guys who would volunteer for that? Cause I sure fuckin’ don’t!” he laughed with her.

“Maybe try porn then,” she chuckled, pulling him close again, “Or even just close your eyes and picture yourself with a guy. Picture yourself leaning in to kiss him. In fact,” she said softly, “Just try it now. Close your eyes.”

“Mhmm” he mumbled, cuddling into her side and letting his eyes slide shut. He tried to picture several different guys from their school, several actors and musicians. It was hard. He couldn’t focus on them… didn’t really know what their faces looked like. Cas’ face kept drifting to mind but he pushed the vision away time and again. They’re _best_ friends and it didn’t seem right to use Cas in this way.

“This isn’t going to work,” he told her. “I think I need some time alone… for… research and stuff.”

Charlie grinned and laughed lightly as she sat up from the bed.

“What? Why are you laughing?”

“I’m not laughing. I just know you. You’re gonna look at porn.”

“So?” he demanded.

“You’re adorable,” she smiled. She pecked him on the cheek and moved to put her shoes back on.

“You’re not going to tell anyone are you?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “I mean… your secret is safe with me. But I might tell mine.”

“Should we break up?” he asked her tentatively.

“I’ll leave that up to you,” she said kindly, “I mean… sooner or later we’ll have to break up. But if you need some time… take some time. I’ll cover for you. Whatever you need, okay?”

“Thanks.”

“Yep. See ya,” she said cheerfully as she grabbed her bag and headed down the stairs. Normally he would’ve walked her out. But right now, he was more than a little shell shocked. With a swirl of incoherent thoughts in his head, Dean crossed the room. He locked his door and grabbed his laptop. He settled onto the bed and brought up incognito google. Slowly he typed out “gay porn” and hit enter.

.


	4. Dean and Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ravenwolf36 for her extra help with this chapter!

“Shhh! She’s up,” whispered Cas. At his urging, Dean quieted down. On Cas’ left, Dori was sitting quietly and focusing on the stage intently as Charlie took her place. On his right Dean was now watching closely as well. Behind him, Benny and Cole and Ash were running a monologue as if this were Mystery Science Theater. Rather than try to shush them again, Cas opted to simply turn slowly in his seat and give them a look. In response, Benny thumped Cole on the leg and tipped his head in a silent request to get the fuck out of here. Cole nodded and as the two got up to leave, Ash followed. At least they’d gone quietly. Cas returned his attention to the stage where Charlie was standing in a lone spot light. From somewhere in the darkness, Ms. Talbot’s voice rose up with practiced coolness.

“Line to Toto: ‘And now I know we’re not in Kansas anymore…’

Taking her que, Charlie stepped forward and bent towards an imagined figure of Dorothy. “Are you a good witch? Or a bad witch?” she recited in a high pitched voice that was nothing like her normal one.

Again, Ms. Talbot’s emotionless but accented cadence prompted Charlie for her next line. “Me? I’m not a witch at all. I’m Dorothy Gale from Kansas…”

“Well, is that the witch?” Charlie questioned innocently as she gestured her imaginary wand towards an imaginary Toto.

“Who Toto? Toto’s my dog…”

Charlie tinkled out a precious little laugh, “I’m a little muddled,” she singsonged, “the munchkins called me because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East!” She paused and then continued, gesturing grandly, “And there’s the house, and here you are. And that’s all that’s left of the wicked witch of the east. Now, what the munchkins want to know is, are you a good witch or a bad witch?”

“But I’ve just told you…” prompted Ms. Talbot, reading the part of Dorothy with no voice inflection at all, “I’m not a witch at all. Witches are old and ugly. Laughter from stage right. What was that?”

Charlie followed her cue to look stage right, following the sound of imaginary munchkin laughter before looking around and saying, “The Munchkins, they’re laughing because I am a witch. I’m Glinda the witch of the north.”

Watching Charlie try out for the play was dull for Dean and the rest of their friends, the remainder of whom had already left. But Dean had stayed to watch and as Charlie delivered her lines perfectly on the stage. Cas leaned over and whispered to Dori, “What made her change her mind and audition for a singing part?”

“Me,” answered Dori with a smirk.

Cas returned his attention to the stage as Charlie began to sing.

“Come out… come out… wherever you are… and meet the young lady who fell from a star…”

“I didn’t know she could sing,” said Cas as he watched her in the spotlight.

“Neither did she,” chuckled Dori.

“I hope she gets the part,” said Cas honestly.

“There’s fifteen other people trying out, I told her to just have fun with it and see what happens.”

Cas nodded and looked over at Dean. His friend was grey in the darkness next to him as he watched his girl onstage. It wasn’t easy sitting this close to Dean anymore… how quickly things had changed once Cas realized he was really and truly gay. There was an awkwardness between them now that didn’t used to be there.

Cas tried not to act any different, but he’d often get flustered when he felt Dean looking at him. And, when their eyes would meet, Dean would immediately look away. It was like he was watching Cas but didn’t want to be caught at it. Cas suspected that Dean was picking up on subtle changes in him and was watching closely in an effort to figure out what was different. Of course the thought panicked Cas and made him work harder to hide his secret. It was uncomfortable, this new undercurrent between them. He didn’t like it.

Ms. Talbots piercing voice snapped his attention back to the stage and he instantly hoped he hadn’t been staring at Dean as his mind had wandered. Here in a darkened auditorium that would be extra creepy. That was something else that was new. He kept finding himself inadvertently staring at Dean. The more he focused on not staring, the more his eyes seemed to want to.

“Thank you Charlie, you did a wonderful job.” Said Ms. Talbot, “Next…”

Charlie nodded and turned to leave the stage. Their group rose and walked around the edge of the auditorium to meet her as she descended the stairs.

They all hugged her and told her how well she’d done and then headed for the doors together. The postings of who was to play which part weren’t going to be up until the following day, so the plan for the evening was to head over to Cas’ house and play Dungeons & Dragons with her all night to keep her mind off of it.

“Ya did good, Red,” encouraged Dori as they stepped out of the darkened auditorium and into the well lit hallway, “real, real good!”

Both he and Dean joined in with accolades and she responded with a sheepish, “Thanks guys,” as she hoisted her bag up on her shoulders. “What’s your mom makin' us for dinner?”

“She’s ordering pizza,” answered Cas.

“Yes!!” came the resounding cheer from both Charlie and Dean.

 

 

When the postings went up for the play, Cas made sure he was with Charlie. Dori was there too. Cas grinned widely as he watched Charlie absorb the news. A huge elfish smile broke out on her face.

“That’s right bitches!” she laughed, “I’m Glinda! The hottest witch in Oz!”

Later, in the cafeteria, he watched Dean being told the happy news. He’d come up out of his seat and hugged Charlie fiercely. Cas watched Dean with Charlie over lunch and thought about how quickly she’d become a member of their group. She fit far better with Dean than Lisa had, that was for sure. But he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous of their easy ways… especially since his own relationship with Dean seemed so tenuous right now.

The afternoon seemed to stretch on forever. Cas thought about lots of things while biding his time. More than anything else, he considered what it would be like to tell everyone his secret. How would his parents react? His friends? How different would his life be?

“Earth to Cas,” giggled Charlie, waving her hand in front of his face.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as he rejoined reality. Looking around he now saw that his entire history class was buzzing; the room in disarray because the teacher had stepped out for a minute. He’d been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed. “What?” he asked, wondering what he’d missed.

“I said, I’m going shopping after school with Dori and her mom. Can you tell Dean that I’m not coming for games today?”

“Sure,” he agreed easily, “but… why don’t you just text him?”

“Phone's dead. What’s up with you today?”

“Nothing,” he said in a noncommittal way, ducking as a nerf ball flew over his head.

“You sure you’re okay?” she asked.

“Sure,” he said vaguely, rising from his desk to step into a triangle formation and join the nerf game that had broken out, “why wouldn’t I be?”

She shrugged and turned in her desk to talk to the girl behind her while Cas set his attention on the makeshift ball game which was quickly becoming a contact sport. Later, from detention, he tapped out a covert text to Dean that Charlie wasn’t coming over for video games today and that, due to being busted by their history teacher, he had detention until 4:30 so he wouldn’t be coming over either. As if this day hadn’t been long enough… now he was sitting in detention for a lousy game of nerf football with two sixth graders he didn’t even know.

 

 

 

Dean was disappointed as he leaned back on the bed and resumed his one-player game. Now that he knew no one was going to be coming over this afternoon, he felt shortchanged. The game was now boring. In fact, he couldn’t even think of a game he wanted to play. He dropped the controller and leaned back on his pillow trying to figure out what he _did_ feel like doing. It didn’t take long for him to settle on an activity… something he could only enjoy alone. Porn.

With a renewed energy at the thought, he hopped off the bed purposefully. Over the past few weeks he’d developed a ritual for the viewing of porn. He closed and locked his door, turned off the overhead light and switched on the bedside lamp. He grabbed the miniature bottle of baby oil from its hiding place in his lawn mowing shoes and tossed it to the bed. Then he pulled the laptop from his desk over to the bed, turning on his radio as he went. He preferred to keep music on for the sake of covering any noises that might seep through his bedroom door and out into the hall. He’d die of embarrassment if either of his parents were to suspect what was going on behind his door.

As he settled in to get comfortable he plucked off his socks, but he didn’t throw them on the floor. He kept them next to him on the bed… for… reasons. Now, finally ready, he put fingers to the keyboard and pulled up incognito to access his favorite porn site. There were so many videos uploaded here that he’d never run out of them. He clicked on them at random, choosing the ones whose participants were at least mildly attractive to him. He’d watch one or two videos just to get himself warmed up. Then he’d choose the next video with care… making sure to choose one that was long enough to outlast him. Finally, he’d settle the laptop on a pillow next to his knee and busy his hands with his own pleasure.

His preference always seemed to be for blow jobs and rimming, but actual fucking was an excellent finish no matter what. He watched the boys on screen… they weren’t much older than he was and they were so eager. The computer may have been muted but he didn’t need to hear their moans to know how much they were enjoying each other’s tongues and fingers. He watched the dark haired boy intently as he pushed up behind his partner and spread his cheeks wide, licking in with gusto and burying his face in flesh like he was eating out a candy filled center.

As he worked himself over with a rough hand, his eyes were glued to the screen and soaking up every movement. When the boy onscreen began sinking fingers into a wet hole, his own stiff prick twinged and he felt the oozing of his own juices leaking out over the side of his clenched hand. He shivered as he saw the boy on the bottom grab his own cheeks and pull them apart. By the time a hard cock was pushing in, Dean’s arm was cramping from jerking himself so hard and fast.

Even through the eyes of a shaky handheld home video camera it was easy to see that having a dick slide into his ass had lit this boy up with a new kind of pleasure. It was better than being rimmed or blown… Dean could tell just by watching. Both of the guys on screen looked like they’d checked out of this world and into Heaven. Their faces glowed with the utmost pleasure and their bodies moved seductively as they pounded their passion into the sheets.

Knowing he was close, Dean reached for a sock without taking his eyes off the screen. A short moment later he closed his eyes tightly against the overwhelming sensations as he filled that sock. Then, he dropped his head to his pillow and let his eyes stay shut as he enjoyed the tremors of pleasure that followed the initial wave. He laid there for quite a while, warm and comfortable with his mind blank. Then, as his body settled down, it cooled. He found himself wanting to pull the covers up and take a nap.

But that wasn’t smart and he knew it. Sooner than later his mother would be knocking on his door for dinner. So, with a sigh, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and began cleaning up his mess. Only when order was restored did he flop on the bed and turn on the TV. He paid no attention to what was on, just letting himself drift off to sleep. Cas’ face crossed his mind briefly as he sank into oblivion. He’d seen it when he came too. He told himself that it wasn’t anything to worry about; that the boy on top in the video had looked a bit like Cas… that’s probably why his mind had brought up the image of his friend as he spurted. But he couldn’t lie to himself. He knew better. Deep down he understood why he had a tendency to stare at his friend… he knew why it was impossible to lock his friend’s face from his fantasies.

When his mother did finally knock on his door for dinner, he realized he’d been sleeping for quite a while. He felt bleary and his eyes were crusty.

“I’ll be right down,” he answered her. Giving himself a moment to wake up fully, he grabbed his phone and replied all his missed texts before finally heading down for supper. Over pot roast and garlic bread he recounted his day for his parents. When they mentioned that the eighth grade dance was imminent he was surprised that it had snuck up on him. His mother asked him if he wanted her to pick up a corsage for Charlie. He nodded absently as his mind processed the ramifications of the upcoming event. He had to accept that the dance would likely be the end of his charade with Charlie. She’d want to go with Dori. He owed it to her to let that happen. She’d been kind to continue playing his girlfriend as he contemplated his preferences and tried to figure out how he wanted to move forward. But she was getting tired of not being able to really be a couple with Dori, he could tell.

He looked over the table at his parents as he silently contemplated how they would react if he told them he was gay. It was hard to predict. His mother would eventually accept him, he was sure of it. But his father? Jury’s still out on that. He’s never actually heard his father talk about his feelings regarding gay people. He remembers a brief tirade once as his dad watched a politician on the news get charged with molestation after having made a speech supporting an anti-gay agenda. But he couldn’t recall if his father had said anything specifically regarding the mentioned gay agenda or if the focus of the angry words had been on the molestation of a child.

Next, Dean tried to picture what his friends would say when they found out. Honestly, for as well as he knew them, he had to admit being clueless as to how they’d respond. Benny would stand up for him if he needed it, that was certain. But would he still want to be friends? Dean wasn't sure. Cole had a tendency to use the word fag a lot. When he said it, he said it in a very disparaging way too. But Dean didn’t think the guy really meant to refer to gay people when he used the term. It was more a general word that he applied to anyone whose behavior he perceived as irritating or whiny. How Cole actually felt about gay people? Again, Dean wasn't sure. He had to wonder if he really knew his friends at all.

Whenever he thought about telling people what he was, Dean was glad to have a friend like Cas. He knew without a doubt that Cas wouldn’t care. Cas would be his friend no matter what and it wouldn’t matter if the entire school turned against him. He’d always have Cas. It wasn’t even a question. Now, as always, when he thought of his friend a warmth spread through his chest. He smiled a little as he speared a huge piece of beef with his fork.

As he chewed, he watched his parents discuss their plans for the upcoming weekend. They were having friends over for cards on Friday night. Instinctively, Dean knew this was a good time to have his friends over. The adults would be into their own fun and wouldn’t be paying the kids much attention. Additionally, there would be good snacks around for the company. Last time his parents had friends over, he and Cas had managed to each sneak a beer without detection.

Dean didn’t wait for the meal to be over. From his lap he texted his friends to invite them over on Friday. Then, as he tucked away his phone, he returned to pondering the second biggest issue in his life right now. What was he going to do about Charlie?

 

 

 

It was raining the following morning so his hair was wet and his clothes were damp as he cut through the bodies in the hall and walked briskly into his first hour class. It was rough having a math class first hour, but at least he had this class with Cas. He swung into his usual seat and dropped his bag at his feet. The warning bell had already rung and the room was filling quickly. It was a few seconds after the late bell when Cas squeezed through the door as it was being closed. He dropped into his seat next to Dean, out of breath, and gave a nod of greeting. The class was starting. Dean watched Cas recover his breath. His friend had clearly run to make it to school on time. He wondered idly about the possible reason; Cas was never late.

Cas was a unique kind of guy. First of all, he was polite and well spoken. Not common attributes for the average eighth grader. He was also handsome in a winning kind of way… always looking perfectly put together like a department store mannequin. Lots of girls wanted him, but Cas was either unaware or uncaring. He’d not taken an interest in anyone since Meg and though she occasionally tried to push back into his good graces, he was nothing more than cordial to her.

Dean knew that Meg had left a bad taste in Cas’ mouth, but his friend would never tell her that. He was nice in a way that most people aren’t. He wasn’t just nice when it suited him or when he was in a good mood. He was nice all the time, even when he didn’t feel like it. He often stood up for kids that were being picked on… even amongst his friends. Dean had always done the same. He was glad that they were like minded about such things. It made it easy to do the right thing when you always knew you had your buddy to back you up. Benny would stand with them most times too. But Benny was a bit rougher around the edges. He had a thick skin. His brand of teasing, even in fun, was a bit on the raw side. So, naturally, it took a much more egregious act of bullying for Benny to see a need to defend someone.

For the most part, he and Cas tended to be the center of their group in Dean’s mind. Benny and Ash and Cole made up a larger circle of friends that they shared a lunch table with and spent time with. Dean often thought of their group as Gryffindor. If Dean and Cas were Harry and Ron, then Al was Draco. Unfortunately, there was also a Slytherin house at this school. Al was mean as a snake and his pack of dark wizards included Victor Henrickson and Dick Roman. Dean and Cas referred to them as ‘Vic n Dick’. Crowley was also a member of this band of evil henchmen… but he wasn’t so bad. There were times when Dean actually didn’t mind him much at all.

Cas, though, Cas was the singular person that Dean couldn’t imagine his life without. His absolute best friend. And now, here he was staring at the kid again. He shook himself out of his trance when he saw Cas turning to look at him. Knowing he’d been caught staring he nodded vaguely and returned his attention to the unopened bag at his feet. The rest of the class was already taking notes as the basic points of today’s lesson hovered on the projector screen at the front of the room.

Why? Why was it so damn hard to stop staring at the guy? Even now, as he tried to focus on the steps of the formula they were using and write them down, his eyes kept trying to veer over and look at his friend. It was infuriating have so little control over his own body. But honestly, even if he weren’t gay it would be hard not to stare at Cas. The guy had an intriguing silhouette, all sharp lines and soft hair. His lips were kind of an anomaly… they looked almost absent when viewed in profile… but then from the front they were a dominating feature of his face. Cas was constantly licking his lips too; it kept them perpetually chapped. But even chapped they were inviting. The shape of them was unique. Dean had never seen a boy or girl with lips shaped quite like Cas’. On a different shape of face they might look funny. But with Cas’ sweeping eyebrows that arched over his wide cheek bones, they fit perfectly. The most incredible thing about Cas, though, were his eyes. They commanded a person’s attention and held it. They were magnetic, much like his personality.

Dammit! He was staring again!

The slight tip of Cas’ head in his direction snapped Dean’s attention back to reality. Cas had noticed him staring for the second time in just a few short minutes. Frustration washed over him. Dropping his eyes to the blank paper in front of him, Dean inwardly he scolded himself. If he couldn’t get the staring under control, he wouldn’t have to tell anyone he was gay. They’d all just assume he was. Cas most of all. The thought of Cas thinking that Dean had a crush on him created a physical pain in his chest. Even considering the kind of empathetic look that Cas would wear as he tried to let Dean down easy… well, that was the worst thing Dean could even imagine. It was fear of this very thing that kept Dean working to push his feelings down. It was a crush. It would pass, right? If he just ignored it long enough, it would go away.

At this point it was obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to pay attention to the lesson. He’d just have Cas explain it to him later. For the sake of sanity he forced his mind to something besides Cas. He hadn’t figured out what to do about Charlie yet either so he tried to chew on that for a while. By the time the bell rang for next class, Dean had decided to tell Charlie that he didn’t need her to pretend to be his girlfriend anymore. He’d let her end things the way she wanted to… and he’d stand by her if anyone got in her face when she and Dori came out.

When he saw her between classes he quietly told her so and asked what she’d like to tell people regarding the demise of their relationship.

“Well, we could be our own heroes and just tell the truth?”

Dean loved the way she said it. It was a very sweet way of challenging Dean to come out. And on some level he understood what she wasn’t going to say out loud… that it would be easier for both of them if they did it together.

“Maybe,” he told her as they split apart and each headed for their own lockers.  When he’d dropped his books in his locker his book bag was much lighter. He slid it over his shoulder and headed for the gym. As he passed by Charlie’s locker he slowed to wait and when she’d joined him, they fell back into conversation as they moved down the hall together.

“If you want, we can just tell people that we broke up because I’m a lezzy. You can even joke about me if you want… say that I was allergic to dick or something. That’s what boys do, right? They make fun of their exes?”

“I’m not gonna do that to you,” he said bluntly, “I could never…”

“Well, I guess if you’re okay with me pulling the trigger, I’ll go ahead and start telling people. I’ll just say that we broke up because I like girls and that Dori’s my girlfriend now. You can just decide what you want to say when the moment comes. How’s that?”

“Sure.” They were quiet for a few steps as they neared the gym. “Thanks for giving me some time,” he said without meeting her eye, “it’s more than most people would’ve done.”

She leaned towards him and bumped her shoulder to his. He smiled and nudged her back as he stepped away and pushed through the door to the boy’s locker room.

Her words echoed in his head as he dropped his bag to the bench and began to get changed. She’d said he could decide what to say when the moment presented itself. Despite thinking about nothing else through all of PE, he was dumbfounded when the moment presented itself. He was no less blindsided than he would’ve been with no preparation at all.

“Winchester,” called Benny as he passed in the hall between classes, “Hear you're single!”

Dean nodded dumbly and fell into step with Benny, unsure of how much his friend knew and having no idea what kind of comment he should make in response. If Charlie thought, by some miracle, that he’d magically be able to turn this into his coming out moment… she’d been delusional. Dean kept quiet and let Benny do the talking. It didn’t take long for Dean’s one word answers to get on Benny’s nerves.

“C’mon brotha,” Benny goaded, “ya got nothin’ to say?”

“Nope.”

“Well, Andrea says Lisa’s still on the hook. You wanna try for seconds on that?”

“No thanks, man.” chuckled Dean as Benny bounded off towards the wood shop. Dean turned down the opposite hall and back towards his locker. The news had spread like wildfire through the school and most of his friends said something to him as the day went on. However, he was pleasantly surprised by how little talking he had to do. Most of the gossip he overheard was quickly squelched when his presence was detected, rooms he entered growing quiet as he walked through the door. By lunch he realized that those who spoke to him about the break up were mostly curious about drama… they wanted to know if the breakup had been ugly. The gawking and talking mostly fizzled out after the entire cafeteria watched both he and Charlie sit together at their usual table, talking and laughing together as they always had. The only difference today was that when the bell rang, Charlie walked off with Dori rather than Dean. In the absence of drama between the two of them, the only real gossip was the subject of Charlie’s new status as lesbian. If there were doubts about it, Charlie and Dori dispelled them quickly by walking the halls together and linking hands at every opportunity.

Cas had leaned in at lunch and asked him how long he’d known. Dean gave a nondescript shrug and stared down at his food.

“I wondered what was up with you the last week… you’ve been so… off. Is this why?”

Dean wanted to tell him. Tell him everything. Telling Cas he was gay would be such sweet relief. But at the same time, he was scared to do it. If he told now, Cas would figure out he was crushing on him. He had to get his staring and awkwardness under control before he told his friend anything.

“Dean?” pressed Cas, waiting for him to answer.  

But he couldn’t think clearly enough to even formulate an answer. Instead, he just gave another shrug and got to his feet. He dumped his tray and left the lunchroom in a fog.

Cas could really feel it growing now… the distance between them. It was so strange. Contemplating it left Cas feeling cold and lonely. He continued to ruminate on it as he ambled through his day and answered questions about Charlie and Dori. He wanted to believe that Dean had been distant lately because his relationship with Charlie had been strained, that’s why he’d asked Dean how long he’d known. But if that was the case, then why hadn’t his friend talked to him about it? Unfortunately, it was more probable that Dean had grown distant because he could sense changes in Cas. It was likely that Dean was on to him… was creeped out when he caught Cas staring at him and wanted distance.

His thoughts about the changes in his relationship with Dean had been dragging his mood down all afternoon until he got to PE. A lively game of volleyball perked him up. The snottiest girls on the volleyball team were antagonizing them, so he and Cole went to town and put them in their place. Amidst laughter and crude jokes Cas buried his melancholy mood. By the time school was out, he was feeling much better. When Cole mentioned video games, Cas invited him along to Dean's place where they still hung out after school each day. It ended up just being the boys there since Charlie now had play practice after school several nights a week.

Benny had tagged along too and the four of them had a good time. At one point they took a break when Dean’s mom brought up a huge plate of pizza rolls for them. It was as they ate that the upcoming dance was discussed. Cole proudly bragged that he’d locked down Jo as his date. Benny suggested they ride together and spend the night after. As Cole agreed, he brought his soda can up Benny’s in a “cheers” type gesture. But Benny was a beat off. When their cans clinked together, Benny’s popped right out of his hand and clunked to the floor. Both of them dropped to the floor and began sopping up the mess with the dirty t-shirts that cluttered the floor of Dean's room. As they worked to clean up, the boys exchanged words regarding fault and soon a friendly wrestling match broke out. Cas saw Dean pile into the action and he longed to join the fun. But watching his friends throw down was uncomfortable. Cas felt more and more awkward the longer he watched.

What was happening to him? Being gay didn’t mean he couldn’t have friends that were guys, did it? But how could he drop down and wrestle with guys when he secretly liked the idea of boning guys? It didn’t seem right. Luckily, before he could sink too low, Cole knocked Dean’s desk lamp to the floor and broke it.

Dean hollered, “Thank fuck it wasn’t my laptop!” Cas couldn’t hold back his laughter as he’d bent to help pick up the pieces. He could only imagine how many hours a week Dean was logging on that laptop. Cas had to admit, if he had one in his room he’d be on it constantly. Hell, he’d probably stay home sick from school just to watch porn all day while the house was empty. He smiled at the thought. Then he had to shake his head to stop the barrage of images that followed. Dean watching porn. Dean touching himself. Dean’s jizz shooting out and splattering the laptop screen. Dammit! His mind was impossible to control. Such dirty thoughts about his friend. He felt ashamed. He finished cleaning up the broken lamp and said he needed to get home for supper.

As days passed, the mood around school grew more electric. The dance was coming up on Saturday and the students were buzzing with anticipation. Those who had secured dates were chattering about what they’d wear and whose parents were driving and who was spending the night with whom. Those that didn’t have dates were talking about who they wanted to ask or who they were hoping would ask them.

Cas didn’t really know what to do about the dance. People kept asking him who he was going with and there were several girls who had send their ‘appointed representative friends’ to let Cas know that they were interested. But how could he enjoy a dance? What was he going to do, show up and dance with a parade of girls (or worse yet… one girl) all night long? That sounded horrible.

If there was actually a guy he liked that happened to be gay and wanted to go with him… then maybe that would’ve been an incentive to just come out and embrace his new life. But there wasn’t. He’d likely end up thinking of some excuse to stay home Saturday night and skip the whole thing. At least he had Dean’s house to look forward to on Friday. They’d have fun no matter what, but if they could manage to sneak some beers while the adults drank and played cards? Even better.

That day at lunch, when the subject of the dance was brought up, Cas ended up having to say that he didn’t think he’d be going. To his surprise, everyone seemed horrified that he wouldn’t be there.

“Why the hell not?” barked Dean.

Cas shrugged, “I don’t know, just not feeling like it I guess.”

“Damn,” said Dean, “I figured we’d ride together. That’s what we did last year.”

Cas was stunned. Considering the way he and Dean had been lately, he couldn’t believe his friend actually cared if he’d be going to the dance or not. That he wanted to ride together? It was completely unexpected.

“Your parents driving?” Cas asked out of curiousity.

“Better,” grinned Dean, “My uncle Bobby. Zero weirdness that way. You should come Cas. We’ll spend the night after.”

“Maybe,” he said, not wanting to make it a big deal in front of everyone.

“C’mon man, you gotta,” pushed Dean. Charlie and Dori joined in and soon the entire table was pushing him to come. He ended up agreeing with them just to put an end to it. But even that backfired. Once he agreed, everyone wanted to make a suggestion about who he should take. He could’ve wept with relief when the bell finally rang.

It took the afternoon to recover but he was feeling more like himself when he flopped on Dean’s bed that afternoon. He watched as his friend knelt to slide a game into the console and caught the controller when Dean tossed it to him. They settled in comfortably, pillows stacked behind them as always. Dean’s arm was warm against his and Cas found himself once again focused on all that wasn’t being said between them rather than enjoying his friends company.

Dean seemed to sense his tension and paused the game.

“What’s with you today?”

“Nothing. I’m just not into this one anymore. Let’s play something else.”

“You pick then,” said Dean as he dropped his controller and reached for his Coke can from the side table. “You hungry?”

“Sure,” nodded Cas as he surveyed the games. Dean left, presumably for the kitchen and Cas immediately sagged. Why was this so hard? Dean was his very best friend. He had no doubts that Dean would remain his best friend no matter what. Cas being gay wasn’t going to change anything between them. So why couldn’t he work up the nerve to explain his situation to Dean? Everything would be so much easier if he knew. At least then he’d only have one secret to keep from Dean. His crush.

Cas felt hopelessness rise up in him as he realized why he was hesitating. He wasn’t telling Dean because, he now realized, it actually _would_ change things. It would change everything. He recalled his awkwardness as he’d watched his friends wrestle in this room the other day. Once he told Dean about his preferences, there would be awkwardness on both sides. Dean would never want to wrestle him again. He’d never want to crawl into bed with him and watch a movie again either. Hell, he’d probably stop inviting Cas to spend the night for that very reason. And if Cas felt awkward about Dean catching him staring now… how much more awkward would that be when Dean knew Cas was gay? Dean would feel like Cas was crushing on him every time he looked at his friend too long. And that, he was sure, would kill the last of their friendship. Dean wouldn’t want to be friends with a guy who was tongue wagging at him all the time… and it would be the final nail in the coffin. The realization stung like a bee sting. He could feel the venom of it spreading over his body. He felt pinpricks in his eyes and his chin quivered. Holy fuck, he was going to cry.

Just then he heard Dean’s footsteps pounding up the stairs. He couldn’t let Dean see him like this but he couldn’t hold it back either. Shit. Lacking any better way to handle the situation, Cas leapt to his feet and grabbed his bag. He bolted from Dean’s room and passed him at the top of the stairs. As he brushed past his friend on the landing he said, “Sorry, mom called and I have to go home. See ya later.”

Dean stood dumbfounded with a bag of Doritos in his hand and watched Cas dash down the stairs and out the front door. It was a lie. Dean knew Cas well enough for that. But why? Had he done something? Had he been creepy-as-fuck staring at Cas again and not even known it? Stung by the very real possibility of it, Dean trudged to his room and flopped on his bed. The chips were no longer appealing and neither was the game console. Emptiness threatened to swallow him up. Even the idea of using his alone time to surf porn and jack off didn’t distract his mind from the sickening sadness.

No wonder Cas didn’t want to ride to the dance with him. It had been foolish to push for him to come. He hated to admit it, but it was becoming all too obvious that Cas was on to him and was working hard to keep his distance. He didn’t want to go to the dance in the same car with Dean… he didn’t even want to sit in a room alone with him and play a fucking video game. For the first time since this waking nightmare had started, Dean came to realize that perhaps he’d been wrong. Maybe it really was possible for him to lose his best friend over this. The thought made him nauseous and his chest was tight. When a tear leaked out and ran down his cheek he wiped it away but another slid down in its place.

 .

 


	5. I Dare You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ravenwolf36 for making this more readable! :)

As Cas trudged to the Cafeteria that Friday, he was thumped from behind. Glancing up from watching the shoes of the person in front of him as he plodded along, he found himself sandwiched between Dori and Charlie.

“Who pissed in your Lucky Charms this morning?” Charlie demanded as they moved down the hall.

“Huh?”

“She wants to know,” explained Dori, “why you’re moping around like Eeyore.”

“If I’m Eeyore, then she’s Tigger,” Cas replied, nodding towards Charlie.

“What’s that make me?” asked Dori as they all moved through the door to the lunchroom.

“I don’t know, which is the nosy one?” he teased.

“C’mon, what gives?” pushed Charlie as they all grabbed trays and stepped up to get a helping of lasagna.

“Nothing. I don’t know. Just tired, I guess.”

Cas wasn’t tired. But what else was there to say? The only other people moping today were those who couldn’t get a date for the dance this weekend. Cas, however, was not short on offers and everyone knew it. In fact, most of his friends were wondering why he didn’t want to go and why he’d not yet chosen someone to take along. And they weren’t shy about asking him point blank either. Why, he wondered, was his private business suddenly everybody else’s concern? Why did they even care?

He played defense as best he could while they got their food and when they were all settled at the table, his feelings regarding the dance were still under a spotlight.

Thankfully, when Dean bounded up to the table with Cole, he inadvertently changed the subject when he checked to see who was planning on coming to his house tonight.

“I’ll be there,” volunteered Cole as he took his seat next to Jo.

“Me too,” volunteered Benny from farther down.

“You in Cas?” Dean asked without looking at him.

After yesterday, Cas was stunned to even be asked. They hadn’t texted each other at all last night which was strange enough. But the silence from Dean first hour today had been very telling. Cas had been beside himself all day thinking that it was happening already. Dean was done with him.

Granted, Dean hadn’t been looking at him when he’d asked. Still wasn’t. But the invitation was there… Cas was welcome at Dean’s tonight. He answered yes quickly, having taken enough shit for wanting to skip the dance and not wanting to open up another can of worms.

He dug a plastic fork into his lasagna and as he lifted the bite to his mouth, Dean finally looked at him. It was just a split second before those magnetic green eyes flicked away again, but there was no malice there and Cas was relieved. As the group ate, they talked of their plans for tonight and for tomorrow. Inevitably, with the subject of the dance came also the subject of Cas’ lack of a date.

Strangely, Dean also received a gentle ribbing and this was the first time that Cas had noticed that Dean didn’t have a date either. A lack of interested parties wasn’t his issue so naturally Cas’ ears perked up with curiosity when Benny asked Dean why he hadn’t asked anyone.

“Dunno, I guess I don’t see how narrowing it down to one chick before I even get to the dance is somehow gonna increase my chances of gettin’ some. There’s plenty of me to go around…” Dean teased.

Cas chuckled, as did the rest of the guys. Charlie, Dori and Jo all rolled their eyes.

“You riding with him?” Benny asked Cas, indicating Dean.

Cas didn’t really know what to say. He looked over at Dean and saw his friend give him a small nod. It wasn’t much but it was there. Dean still wasn’t himself, not with Cas anyway, but he wasn’t the type to extend an invitation if he didn’t want to. Cas took it at face value and told Benny yes.

“Y’all rode together last year too, right?”

“Yep,” answered Dean, “Had a great time too. Snuck out that night and egged Principal Mosley’s house.”

Cas grinned at the memory and when he looked up he found Dean looking at him too. Both of them had a wide smile on their faces as they remembered last year’s fun.

“Ya wanna stay over after?” Dean asked, “Like last year?”

“Sure,” Cas nodded, nervously picking at his food and trying not to let anyone see just how relieved he was that Dean was speaking to him.

“Awesome,” said Dean as he picked up his tray and made to leave.

“Hey, wait up!” hollered Benny as he followed after Dean, “I need somethin’ out of your locker.”

Cas watched them go. He knew better than to imagine that everything was magically fixed between him and Dean. But if they were speaking; there was hope. And it seemed they’d be riding to the dance together after all. Cas tried to focus on the good rather than the bad. And as he got up from the table, he caught Charlie looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He smiled for her, just to keep her from farther inquiring about his sullen mood.

 

 

The rest of the day passed slowly, as Friday afternoons usually do. When the final bell rang, Cas stopped at his locker to fill his bag and was surprised when Dean fell into step beside him as they walked out of the school.

“I’m goin’ to Game Stop on the way home. Gonna grab somethin’ new for tonight. Wanna come?”

“Sure,” Cas replied, genuinely happy that Dean was voluntarily spending time with him.

“Benny’s mom is bringin' him over after practice, and Cole’s gonna go to Jo’s house for a while and then walk over later.”

Cas nodded and tried to think of something to talk about. He didn’t want to fall into an awkward silence. “What game are we after?” he inquired as they exited the double doors of the school.

“I don’t know. I only have $40 so probably nothing epic,” he laughed, “Wanted something new though. You need to stop at home for anything?”

He shook his head, “Nope, not unless you wanted any of my games or movies for tonight?”

“Naw, just thought you might need something. You’re stayin’ over aren’t you?”

“Tonight?” he fumbled, “I thought you meant tomorrow night.”

“Well, I figured both, but it’s no big deal,” said Dean.

Cas was stunned by this. He wanted it… wanted to stay at Deans. Tonight, tomorrow, forever. But things were so damned awkward between them. It was difficult to imagine 48 hours of it. “I’ll ask,” he told Dean. That was easy enough. It was a smart answer too. If he decided he needed an out, he’d just say his mom told him he couldn’t spend the night two nights in a row.

The walk to the game store was a long one. Once there, Dean picked over several titles before settling on old game they had played when they were younger and had long ago lost or broken. It would be fun. And it was so cheap that Dean wound up with money left over and thy stopped for ice cream. By the time they were climbing the stairs to Dean’s room, the awkwardness had faded completely and it felt like old times again.

Dean’s mom was in the kitchen preparing a buffet full of food for the adults that were coming to play cards. She was a good sport, though, and let them sneak a plate of goodies upstairs. They settled in with sodas and snack food to start the games. Benny arrived around 6:00. Within an hour, the adult guests were arriving. By the time Cole arrived, the noise from the adults was seeping up through the floor. Their laughter was loud and frequent as they played and by 9:00 it was a free for all. The kitchen counters were all covered in delicious things to eat and the boys went down frequently to fill plates. Each time they went, they’d discreetly palm a beer or wine cooler from the large metal tub that was perched on the island in the center of the kitchen. It was full of ice and a variety of drinks. In the adjacent dining room, the adults were playing cards and having a good time.

Clearly, checking the pockets of the boy’s hoodies wasn’t their top priority. After their most recent ‘beer run’ Cole had leapt back up from the bed and said, “Dude! I almost forgot! Look what I snagged!”

Three heads swiveled to see him holding a cigarette in one hand and lighter in the other.

“Where did you get that?” asked Dean and Cas in unison.

“Mom’s purse,” he laughed, “I’ve always wondered if she counts them. Guess when I get home, I’ll know for sure!”

“Damn,” said Benny as Dean gave a low whistle.

“Bathroom?” Cole asked the group, “… or window?”

“Bathroom,” said Dean, appearing to have given the matter a lot of thought.

They all headed in there, game controllers forgotten on the bed and beers in hand. They all felt like bad asses as they shouldered in together and shut the door. The exhaust fan had come on with the light and the group watched closely as Cole put the cigarette in his mouth and flicked his lighter. He did it with practiced coolness, but the display was worthless. It took him several tries to get it lit. Apparently one has to inhale to get a cigarette to burn. Cas had never known this. Cole puffed first, hacking and coughing. He tried to talk through it and his voice was raspy as he wheezed out partial sentences. It took all of twenty seconds for Benny to step up and slap Cole on the back. He chuckled as he continued to help his buddy through a coughing fit. Laughter ensued as the group joined one by one. The smoking cancer stick moved a circle around the tiny room and by the time Cole had gotten himself under control… it was his turn again.

The boys laughed a lot as they smoked their first cigarette together and washed it down with beer. The room had filled with smoke quickly despite the exhaust fan and by the time they emerged their eyes were red rimmed. Cas inhaled deeply as they exited the bathroom into fresher air. He’d just smoked his first… and last cigarette. How anyone could call that an enjoyable experience was beyond him.

Shortly after smoking, they all headed downstairs to graze on the buffet one last time before Benny and Cole had to go home. Dean’s room was a mess. There were dirty plates everywhere and the scent of stale cigarette hung in the air.

Benny’s obnoxious ring tone drowned out their game and he sagged. “My mom’s here,” he said, handing his controller to Cas.

“Get a ride with you?” asked Cole as Benny prepared to leave.

“Sure brotha,” he nodded, “Or you can just stay at my place. Play Black Ops?”

“I’ll ask,” replied Cole, texting his mother as they turned to leave.

“Winchester!” grinned Benny, going for a fist bump, “Great party, man. See ya brotha.”

“Take ‘er easy,” said Dean as his friends departed.

“If she’s easy, I’ll take ‘er twice!” called Benny as he strode down the hall and out of earshot. Cole chuckled and followed Benny out, holding up his hand absentmindedly as a farewell gesture to the room before disappearing around the corner.

When their friends were gone, the room seemed bigger and a bit too quiet.

“Keep on this? Or play something else?” Dean prompted.

“You pick,” said Cas dismissively as he got to his feet, “I need to piss.”

When he exited the bathroom, Dean was on the bed, already absorbed in a game. “Did you catch a buzz tonight?” his friend asked him when he sat back down.

“I think, a little,” he said. “Cigarette kinda killed it though.”

“Yeah, thought that would be better,” Dean agreed as he changed the game over to two player.

Cas relaxed back onto the pile of pillows. Glad that, for now, there didn’t seem to be any awkwardness between them. Dean didn’t seem weirded out to be alone with him and though he enjoyed the warmth of his friends arm resting against his own, his thoughts were easy to control because the game they were playing held his full attention.

They had several games under their belts when Mary knocked on the door.

“Yeah?” Dean answered, pausing his game.

“Hey boys,” she said warmly, eyes glowing, “I was just cleaning up downstairs and thought you might like some leftovers.”

Cas hadn’t even noticed the noise from downstairs settling down until now. Mary set a large plate of goodies on the table next to the bed and left them each a Pepsi.

“You boy’s didn’t drink much tonight, did you…” she mused as she looked from one boy to the other, “I bought extra soda for you and it’s hardly been touched.”

Cas worked to keep his poker face on. He was getting good lately, considering that there was absolutely no one that he was absolutely honest with anymore.

“Didn’t know it was for us,” Dean lied with surprising coolness, “Thought it was for company so we took it easy.”

“Well,” replied Mary jokingly, “Pity you boys didn’t feel the same about my cocktail weenies.”

“Sorry,” the boys said in unison.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” she said easily as she turned on the bedside lamp and flicked off the overhead light, “did you kids have fun tonight?”

“Yeah, thanks mom.”

“Well, enjoy the rest of the night,” she said as she turned to leave.

“G’night.” Said both as she closed the door behind her.

“Awesome,” said Dean as he reached over Cas and grabbed his can of soda, “I’m frickin’ thirsty.”

They played until quite late. When Dean lost his third game in a row, he cursed and tossed his controller down. “I’m shot,” he said gruffly as he hoisted himself off the bed and moved toward his dresser. Cas swung his legs over and grabbed his bag from the floor. He hadn’t been planning to spend the night here when he’d left home this morning. But he had PE clothes in his bag he hadn’t used that day. They’d wound up with a substitute for PE who had plunked them all down for a movie rather than actually set up the gym for any kind of game. The documentary on the origins of football in America had been mildly interesting but a game of dodgeball would’ve been preferred by most everyone.

Dean headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed and while he was gone, Cas tugged off his school clothes and stepped into his shorts and t-shirt. They were technically clean, but smelled like the bottom of his book bag. He had no toothbrush with him so he climbed into bed.

“Still fuckin smells like cigarette in there,” said Dean as he exited the bathroom, “Can’t believe mom didn’t smell it.”

Cas nodded, but Dean didn’t notice. He wasn’t looking at Cas. He was bent down and looking at the DVD’s on his bookcase.

“I’m gonna put in a movie. Got a request?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, Raiders it is.”

Cas watched Dean as he loaded his favorite Indiana Jones movie into the player and then walked to the bed. When he crawled in, Cas tried not to think about how unlikely it was that they would continue to sleep over like this for much longer. It was heart breaking.

Dean felt a little strange about turning off the lamp as he crawled into bed. Ever since he’d realized that he was gay, things like that had a double meaning for him. There was nothing sexual about turning off the light to go to sleep. But yet, there was. Cas was in the bed and no matter how secret his desires, his mind would not allow him to disregard the fact that there was a warm body close by when he flicked off the lamp.

He worked hard to settle in on his own side with a respectable distance between them. Funny how he’d never felt the need to do that before. But now? He was hyper focused on it. As he snuggled down into his pillow, he pulled his knees up into a fetal position under the covers accidently skimming Cas and immediately he was whispering, “Sorry.”

Cas didn’t speak, but he shrugged that he didn’t care. Things had been okay between the two of them tonight. Almost like old times. As often happened these days, Dean felt the urge to draw closer. Even as he worked to put it out of his mind, he saw Cas’ head turn just a smidge. His friend’s eyes flicked to him and then away.

Dammit! He’d been staring again, watching his friend's profile in the flickering light from the television.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“I just…” Cas fell silent. His words were left hanging in the air.

“What?” Dean prompted, anticipating the worst.

“Thanks for having me stay.”

Well that was unexpected. “Sure,” he said with a smile. Then, unable to control his curiosity, Dean asked, “Hey, did you ever ask anyone to the dance?”

“No.”

“Me either.”

Since Dean seemed to be open to talking, he went ahead and asked. “Why not?”

“M’not sure. There just wasn’t anyone I really wanted to go with. Besides, neither of us asked anyone last year and we had a good time, didn’t we?”

“Yeah,” acknowledged Cas, “we did.”

With that, Dean turned on his back and forced himself to focus on the screen. Once he was absorbed in the movie, he relaxed and shortly after that he began to drift off.

He woke in the wee hours of the morning, dying to piss. His eyes burned as he forced them open. The sun was just coming up and the room was full of the soft, pinkish light of an early dawn. His leg had fallen asleep and when he moved to straighten it, he realized his leg was trapped under Cas’ leg.

Dean took stock of himself and found that one of his hands was under Cas’ shoulder. His heart swelled a bit as he realized how close they were. Cas was facing the other way, but they were only inches apart. He couldn’t bear to pull away. He let his eyes fall back closed and worked to hold back his bladder so he could enjoy this just a little. A minute ticked by. Two. He wished with all his might that he didn’t have to piss so badly! It was agony!

But to have his friend so close, their bodies touching like this, was a dream come true. If only… if only it could be like this in real life. He leaned in just a little bit… he could literally _smell_ Cas.

That’s when it happened. He saw Cas stiffen. He watched his friend's back go rigid as his breath arrested. Cas had woken up. Cas knew that they were touching. Thank fuck they weren’t facing each other. If Cas had awakened and seen Dean with his eyes open and so obviously enjoying this position… ugh. He didn’t even want to think about it. He’d been lucky. So he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He figured Cas would untangle himself, get dressed and make an excuse to leave… headache… belly ache… mom called… whatever. Seconds ticked by, but Cas wasn’t moving. Why wasn’t he moving? Was he afraid? Shocked?

Dean had to piss badly. He couldn’t hold still much longer. Why wasn’t Cas moving? A warm thought pressed in on Dean. What if Cas wasn’t moving for the same reason Dean wasn’t moving? What if Cas secretly liked this too?

It was a crazy thought. But it was achingly sweet. How incredible would that be?

Time was ticking by and no one was moving. But time was short. He had precious seconds left before he’d have to wiggle or risk pissing his own damn pants.

His mind flooded with scenarios. Most were not helpful… but there was a solid plan developing amidst the chaos. Cas still thought he was sleeping. He could do almost anything and then just pretend to wake up if it didn’t play off well. He could, he realized, just pretend to roll over. Not away from Cas, but towards him. He could drop an arm down on Cas, let it rest there for a moment and then pretend to wake up and go to the bathroom if Cas reacted poorly.

The logic of it worked out in Dean’s mind. If Cas didn’t like that they were touching… then Dean’s arm falling on him would be the last straw. He’d surely shove Dean away. Then Dean could pretend to wake up and laugh it off. Or, if Cas liked Dean’s arm on him… he could lay like that for a while and enjoy it before finally surrendering to his body and it’s nagging need to piss.

It was brilliant. Dean was sure that it was fool proof… there’s no way this could backfire. So, summoning all his courage, he turned. He pretended to roll over in his sleep and let his free arm fall on Cas. The move was easy to execute and Dean was flawless in his delivery. He worked to keep breathing after it happened too… make it feel natural. Cas didn’t shrug his arm off. Didn’t push away or anything. Dean was happy beyond measure. As more time passed, he became excited, thrilling with the possibility that perhaps he was right. Maybe… just maybe… Cas wanted him too?

Then, he felt it. A soft touch to the back of his hand. A finger. _Fingers._ Cas’ fingers. The touch brought with it a tingle of electricity that skittered down his spine and made him shudder. He was powerless to stop himself and be quiet as he sucked in a ragged breath. Cas’ fingers tightened down on Dean’s hand and Dean opened his eyes. He saw the back of Cas’ head and his own arm draped over Cas’ body. Out of his line of sight, Cas was grasping Dean’s hand. There was no way that Cas thought Dean was still asleep. And yet, he was laying still, all wrapped up in Dean and actually grasping Dean’s hand in his own. Dean felt his heart leap with joy at what this meant.

He felt Cas moving under him, maybe rolling over to face him? Joy bubbled up in his chest until he realized what was really happening. Cas was pulling his arm up and wiggling out from under it. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, but it was too late. Both boys knew the other was awake. He was cowardly, keeping his eyes closed while Cas slid out of the bed and dashed to the bathroom.

Only when the door was shut did he open his eyes. They still burned, not ready to wake yet. But the rest of his body was rigid and pulsing with regret. His friend had run from him. This hadn’t gone down the way he’d imagined it at all. He’d thought there were only two ways Cas could possibly react… either liking the contact and accepting it or not liking the contact and physically pushing him away. It had never even occurred to him that Cas wouldn’t like the contact but still be nice about it. In hindsight he realized that he should’ve thought of it happening like that. Cas was so unfailingly kind. To gently take Dean’s hand and hold it back from him as he extricated himself from his pervy friend? Very Cas.

Dammit! He wished he could take it all back. He wished he could turn back time and wake up again. This time, he’d be the one to gently pull away. Then he’d go to the bathroom and piss… maybe take a shower and jerk off thinking of how it felt to have his leg twined with Cas’.  But no. He’d tried for more and look what it had gotten him. His friend was literally hiding from him in the bathroom.

Now, with Cas having been in there for several minutes, Dean would give anything just to piss. He was half hard and had to piss so badly that he finally had to go downstairs to the first floor bathroom. Relief washed over him in waves as he used a heavy hand to keep his semi stiff member pointing into the bowl. A sigh unwittingly emerged as he let go. His legs were a little shaky as he climbed the stairs back to his room. When he entered, Cas was still in the bathroom. The shower was running. Dean got dressed and made the bed, sitting on it cross legged and starting up a video game. He didn’t know what Cas would say when he finally emerged from the bathroom, but he figured it best to be dressed. And distracted.

 

 

 

Cas’ heart had been thudding heavily and loudly since he’d awakened. Thankfully, he’d been facing away from his friend, because his dick was hard as a rock. His dream had been seductive but in waking he could feel Dean’s limbs trapped under his and he loved it. He let himself enjoy their closeness for a moment, closing his eyes to the light and concentrating on the warmth of the body behind him. As precious moments passed, Cas began to notice that Dean’s breathing was uneven. He could hear it speeding up and then slowing back down. He’d thought it meant that Dean was close to waking and told himself he’d better get up and head to the bathroom; take care of his ‘situation’ before Dean was awake enough to realize he’d been practically spooning with a sexual deviant who was sporting a raging hard on.

Before he could force himself to sit up, Dean had rolled over and flopped an arm on him. Warmth bloomed in his chest at the contact… this is what it would feel like to be in Dean’s arms. This… right now… was the stuff dreams were made of. Dean’s warm body at his back, arm wrapped around him. It was heaven. Cas gave himself another minute to enjoy this and then forced himself to move. Since he had an embarrassing stiffie between his legs, he opted to move slowly and carefully when getting up. His goal was to make it all the way to the bathroom without being seen. Very slowly and very cautiously, he reached up and took Dean’s hand. He lifted it and did his best not to jostle the bed while he scooted away from his friend and put his feet to the floor.

Midway through, the jig was up. Dean woke up. Cas heard the gasp as Dean realized that they’d tangled together while sleeping. He panicked.

In the old days this would’ve been no big deal. He’d have cracked a joke and the two would’ve thought nothing of it as they untangled. They’d have gotten dressed and charged downstairs to see what Mary was cooking for breakfast. Oh, the good old days! How easy things had been.

Not anymore. Cas couldn’t just laugh this off with Dean; not when he had a hard-on the size of Texas as a result! All he could do was try to keep his body angled away from Dean as he slunk to the bathroom. His highest hope had been that his friend wouldn’t see the evidence of both his gayness and his crush. It was a lot to hope for. When he’d stepped into the bathroom he’d looked in the mirror, safe behind a locked door, and waited for his racing heart to calm down. He had nothing to distract himself with… not even a toothbrush.

His boner wasn’t shrinking up either, not with the memory of Dean’s body so fresh. He decided it best to just take a shower. He took care of business in there and made sure all evidence had washed down the drain before washing his hair and stepping out. Then, wilted and sorry, he dried off and climbed back into yesterday’s PE clothes.

Dean was sitting there, with bed-head hair, playing an old Minecraft game they’d loved when they were younger. No one had played it in eons. Cas tried to act normal, but he just couldn’t. Normal would’ve been to climb onto the bed next to Dean and pick up a controller, inquire about breakfast, joke that the bathroom still smelled like cigarette smoke. Cas just wasn’t capable of any of these things. All he could think was, ‘he knows.’

Cas lingered in the doorway for a beat – uncertain what to do next. Dean wasn’t looking at him and hadn’t spoken. There really wasn’t much to be done. He’d been feeling the end coming for a while now. Last night had been a welcome reprieve from the slow burn out of their friendship. But now, in the cruel light of day, he knew it was over. Dean’s face was stoic. Cas was burning with guilt and shame and a wanting that wouldn’t be squashed no matter how icy the air between them. He walked to the other side of the bed to retrieve his bag and headed for the door, wondering how long this flame would burn in him before he would be able to look at someone else and feel what he now felt for Dean. How long would his heart ache like this?

“Cas?” Dean’s voice was soft at Cas’ back and he stopped walking.

“What?” he answered, not turning around to face his friend.

“Cas, please, don’t…” Dean couldn’t decide how to finish the sentence. Please don’t… hate me? Don’t tell? Don’t leave? It was all of these and none.

Cas was just standing there, facing away from Dean and by his stance it was obvious that he was ready to walk out of Dean’s life.

“I’m sorry,” Dean finally pushed out. “I am, Cas. I’m sorry.”

Dean watched his friend finally turn.

Cas’ throat felt tight and his chest was constricted, he could barely breathe as he turned to look at Dean on the bed. His friend’s green eyes were intense, sharp. Shining. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that Dean looked sad, not angry or disgusted. “What?" he croaked, "What do you have to be sorry for Dean?”

“Us. I’ve ruined it. I’m so sorry Cas.”

Dean watched Cas as he lingered in the doorway, uncertain. He tipped his head to the side… in the manner of a puzzled puppy. Dammit if that wasn’t the cutest thing he’d ever seen. This boy is magic, he thought. Dean held his breath as he watched Cas take a step back towards him.

“You didn’t ruin anything Dean. I did,” said Cas. All pretenses left him and his bag dropped from his arm as his shoulders sagged. “I haven’t been honest with you. Not for a long time. I thought it would change things for us if I told you… you might not want to be friends if you knew. But things changed even though I didn’t tell you. And now you know my secret, don’t you.”

“What secret?” said Dean, stunned by the change in direction their conversation had taken.

“That… that…” Cas hesitated, uncertain. Was Dean really going to make him say the words? “That I’m gay.”

“You’re what?” Dean asked incredulously, “But how can you be… you…” Dean couldn’t find the words. He was stunned by the admission. It didn’t make sense. Was it good news? Hell yeah! But it didn’t compute. If Cas was gay then why did he pull away every time they got close? Why had his friend crawled out from under his arm this morning? Why had he never said anything about it?

Even as his mind was leaping through these questions, he already had answers for some. Why hadn’t Cas said anything? Probably the same reason Dean hadn’t. Why did Cas pull away from him? He didn’t want Dean; probably had his sights set on some other boy.

Dean now realized he was staring at Cas with his mouth hanging open. He tried to articulate a question, but he was tongue tied. All that came out were fragments of his many questions all strung together.

“But you never… I don’t get why you don’t… How long have you…”

Cas was waiting, halfway between Dean’s bed and the doorway as Dean stammered ineloquently and never did actually pose a question.

“Dean?” said Cas softly, hoping for something from Dean that would give away his position, something that would let Cas know what things would be like for them now that he’d named the elephant in the room.

“I’m just…” said Dean, dropping the controller now and pushing off the bed, “I’m… well… me too,” he said gingerly as he stepped up to his friend. “I’m gay too.”

They were silent. Both of them. No one moved and no one spoke for what seemed like an eternity.

“I’m so relieved,” Cas ventured as he stepped forward, finally able to start processing all that he’d been told. “At first I was sure you’d be cool with it, but lately things have been so weird with us. It was scaring me. I thought you were creeped out. By me.”

“No,” said Dean firmly, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck self-consciously, “I wasn’t. I’m not. I felt like I was creeping you out.”

The two laughed and leaned in, a hug between them was welcomed relief from the tension. Dean felt Cas relaxing against him and it seemed very natural to lay his head down on Cas’ shoulder. It felt right to hold each other as reality redefined itself around them and he lingered in the glow of it… not pulling away. Just soaking up the feel of being embraced by his friend when only a few moments ago he’d thought all was lost.

When they broke apart, they moved to the bed but no one picked up a controller. They folded their legs up and sat facing each other. They talked. Really talked. For the first time in weeks and weeks.

“How long have you known?”

“Since I was in the closet with Meg. Before school even started.”

“Wow. You never did say what happened in there with her.”

“Well, I made out with her, that’s what happened. But I didn’t want to. That’s when I started to realize I wasn’t like you. I didn’t care about touching tits. Actually, I don’t like them. They’re too…” Cas had to think hard to find the right word, “squishy. I don’t like that they’re so squishy.”

Dean laughed out loud hearing this. “I know, right?”

“Yeah. It didn’t take me long to figure out _why_ I’m ass man,” laughed Cas, “When did you know?”

“Charlie told me.”

“Wow. How did she know?”

“Long story. She was cool about it though. She kept on pretending to be my girlfriend while I figured my shit out. But I knew she wanted to go to the dance with Dori so I let her off the hook the other day.”

“I’m dying to know what she said to you,” chuckled Cas.

“She just asked me. That’s it. She just came right out and said ‘Are you sure you don’t like boys?’ and I had to wonder about it. That should’ve told me enough right there. The fact that I even had to wonder makes it a yes. I can see that now.”

“And when did you know for sure?”

“When I saw her… when I saw her… dammit!” cursed Dean, “I don’t even know what to call it! I knew for sure when I looked between her legs. There was just nothin’ there that I ever cared to see again.” With that said, neither boy could hold back their laughter.

Suddenly seized by a stark realization, Cas’ face grew serious. “Wait a minute! You knew you were gay when you offered to take me to the dance. Dean, am I your date?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say no if you asked me,” Dean said softly, “but when I asked you, I asked you as a friend. I meant what I said. I had a great time with you last year. I always have a great time with you. We can go however you want. Just cause we’re both gay doesn’t mean we have to be together if you don’t want to.”

Awkwardness threatened to return for few heartbeats. Then Cas posed a question, “If we went as dates, would we tell people?”

“I don’t know,” replied Dean honestly.

“If we went as dates, would you kiss me after?”

“Hell yes,” Dean replied with a cocky lift of his chin.

Dean watched as Cas did that adorable head tilt again, wide eyes locked on his own, “Would you kiss me now?” he whispered.

“Hell yes,” Dean whispered back as he leaned in.

It wasn’t awkward at all. It was perfect. Their heads tipped easily as they came together and their lips touched lightly, a pulse of heat moving between them. They were still, lingering for a moment before they sank into it. Soft lips pulled apart and tongues tentatively flicked out, each boy tasting the other. The need to be closer was overwhelming and before too long, hungry hands found each other. Bony hips and gangly legs rearranged themselves until they were comfortable on the bed. Their mouths were eager, as were their hands and neither had remembered that Dean’s door was wide open until the flush of a toilet from down the hall invaded the warm glow of their little heaven.

Immediately they pushed apart and Dean flew to the door. Cas watched from the bed as Dean peered out into the hall, looking both ways. The coast was clear. Dean moved back into the room and closed the door behind him, locking it with a flick of his wrist. He smiled at the boy on his bed. To look at Cas now, there was no question of his feelings. He was Dean’s boy. There was no doubt in his mind. “Cas,” he said softly as he sat down, “Once my parents know about us, they’ll never let you sleep over again. You know that right?”

Cas nodded. It was sad, really. These sleep overs with Dean were one of the things he’d been sad to be losing when he’d imagined the end of his friendship with Dean. But even though their friendship wasn’t ending, the sleep overs of their past were gone now anyway. With one kiss everything was different. If they slid into a bed together now, there was only one possible outcome.

Luckily, Dean had a lock on his door. “Dean,” said Cas breathily, “if this is our last time alone in your room, what do you want to do with me?”

Dean’s mind flashed ten thousand images at once… every nasty thing he’d seen on his laptop fought for top billing… his mind was exploding with ideas. “Oh Cas,” he grinned, “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Maybe kiss me again,” he ventured as Dean crawled back up on the bed with him. They came together then, lips greedy for more and hands roaming freely now.

“Cas,” whispered Dean, “Can I see it?”

Before he even had a chance to answer, Dean’s hand was on his package. A moan passed his lips without his permission and before he could even think of the action, his legs were spreading and his hips were pushing up into Dean’s palm. “Dean,” he breathed heavily as his friend pressed down on him, “yes,” he whispered, loving how Dean’s heavy hand quelled the ache inside him.

Dean came alive at the feel of a cock under his hands, hard as nails and pushing back against him with fervor. The ‘yes’ that Cas had whispered sent jizz leaking out of his dick and he took his palm from Cas’ package to press down on his own for just a moment's relief before his fingers were curling into the waistband of Cas’ shorts. He tugged to get them down and found Cas’ hands assisting him. His eager eyes ate up the skin revealed as the shorts came off. His entire body lit up as his eyes took in Cas’ body, lean and trim and tanned from the summer. His dick was very nice. He’d seen a lot of dicks lately as he’d explored the wide world of gay porn. But this dick, this dick was special. Because it was Cas’ dick. It felt much like his own… about the same size and shape. It was hard and soft skin stretched over it tightly in varying shades of pink. The tip was moist and oozing jizz. His mouth watered and he had an overwhelming urge to lick it and suck it. Dean had loved watching blowjobs online, he’d never imagined how badly he’d want to give one in real life.

“Can I see yours?” asked Cas softly from beside him. The thought side tracked him and he looked up at Cas’ face, so eager. He nodded and began working his pants down, boxers too. His pecker snapped up when it came free of its constraints and it slapped his belly loudly. He watched Cas look at it. He knew he had a nice one. Still a bit small perhaps, he still had some growing to do. But it was pretty. He watched Cas look at him. He watched his friend’s mouth; it was wet and his lips were swollen from so much kissing. He looked from his friend’s mouth to his friend’s dick and back again. His fingers twitched against his thigh.

“Dean,” whispered Cas, “What are you going to do to me?”

“I think I want to… I think…”

“I know what you want to do Dean,” interrupted Cas, “I can tell you want to put your mouth on it.”

Dean did want to put his mouth on it. But thinking something and doing it were two different things. He looked at Cas’ face again, saw his friend smile. Cas must’ve known that Dean needed a little push.

“C’mon Dean, lick it. I dare you!”

They both giggled; and with their laughter, the last of his reservations evaporated. He leaned in, licking his lips, his eyes locked on the perfect shaft as he drew closer.


	6. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't bother Ravenwolf36 with editing this last bit. My dog stepped up again. Aim your pitchforks at him when you get irritated with all my frickups LOL

“C’mon Dean, lick it. I dare you!”

They both giggled; and with their laughter, the last of his reservations evaporated. Dean leaned in, licking his lips, his eyes locked on that perfect shaft as he drew closer.

Suddenly a loud knock at the door startled them both. Dean jerked his head up. He heard the clunk of the door as someone attempted to open it while it was locked. Shit!

“Yeah?” he asked nervously as he and Cas both froze like statues.

“Why is this door locked?” his mother asked.

“I’m changing,” he lied.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, “where’s Cas? Didn’t he sleep over?”

“He’s in the bathroom,” Dean fibbed again, glad at least that something plausible had jumped to his mind.

“Okay, well, breakfast is on. Come on down.”

“Sure, mom, be right there.”

“Sooo glad you locked the door,” whispered Cas.

“That makes two of us,” chuckled Dean. He looked down at his lap. The sound of his mother’s voice and the fear of being caught had shriveled his proud package up like a raisin. It cowered between his legs now and he didn’t want to see it anymore. Beside him, Cas was pulling up his shorts.

As they made themselves presentable, a dull ache was settling in his stomach from his unfulfilled passion. He imagined that Cas felt the same. They headed downstairs and took seats at the table. Mary had made pancakes and bacon. As they ate, John settled in next to him and offered cash to Dean in exchange for help with some yard work this afternoon.

Dean nodded his agreement. He wasn’t happy about yard work, but he accepted it. He felt very exposed… as if his parents could see right through him and knew exactly what he was hiding. He’d give anything to be back upstairs with Cas right now, touching. Maybe even tasting. The thought twitched his dick in his pants right there at the table and he immediately outlawed any further fantasies from his mind.

When they were finished eating, Cas thanked Mary for breakfast and said he was heading home. Dean followed his friend back up to his room where Cas grabbed his bag and paused to ask, “What time do you want me to come over tonight?”

“Uncle Bobby’s coming over for supper and he’s gonna drive us. Just come back as soon as you can, okay?”

“Okay,” nodded Cas with a bashful smile. Dean was starting to really love that shy little smile. It was incredibly freeing to let himself enjoy the feeling of attraction… and to know that Cas felt the same. Cas moved to step around him but he snagged the boy, knowing his parents were still at the table, and pressed their lips together one more time before finding himself alone in his room.

Dean spent the afternoon doing yard work with his dad. He mowed while his father ran the weed-eater and trimmed trees. They picked up and bagged all the clippings, carting them to the curb and raking the leaves into piles. It was mindless work and Dean was biding his time by considering how he’d like to proceed with Cas. They’d be going to the dance together in a few short hours. As each other’s dates. Did he want to tell their friends? Coming out hadn’t been too bad for Charlie and Dori, aside from the taunts of a few assholes in Slytherin house anyway. Dean chuckled to himself as he, again, likened the eighth grade class to the cast of Harry Potter. He and Cas had always been Harry and Ron in his mind. Were they still? Or was one of them Ron now and the other Hermione? Did it even matter?

As he worked he thought about how scared he’d been posing as Charlie’s boyfriend and dreading having anyone find out what he was. Somehow it was different now. The difference was because of Cas, he was sure of it.

When he really thought about it, he realized he wasn’t afraid to tell people. Not even his parents. He knew there would be some backlash. Not everyone would like it. Not everyone would accept it. But there was strength in knowing that he wouldn’t be alone. He’d never thought that Cas would abandon him for being gay… just maybe be creeped out if he knew Dean was attracted to him. Now, that part didn’t even matter. They were both attracted. Their friendship would be every bit as strong as it had always been and now there was this new thing binding them even closer together. This reaffirmation of his bond with Cas made him feel strong. Brave. If all hell broke loose when they came out, it wouldn’t matter. They’d still have each other.

As Dean finished raking up the last of the leaves, his father lit them on fire and the thick smoky scent filled his nostrils. Burning leaves. The smell always made him think of Halloween. He settled in a lawn chair next to his father to enjoy the crisp but sunny afternoon. “Dad?” he ventured, “Did you know that me and Charlie broke up?”

“Your mother said something to me about it. What happened?”

“She’s gay.”

“Oh,” said his father, obviously fumbling for what to say in consolation.

“How do you feel about that?” Dean asked him boldly.

“About what? Her being gay?”

“Yeah.”

“How do _you_ feel about it son?”

“I asked you first,” Dean said with a chuckle, hoping his father would give him some indication of his feelings on homosexuality.

“Well, son, I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt. But I guess she couldn’t help it.”

“I’m totally cool with Charlie,” he said as he watched the smoke billow up into the sky, “I just wondered what you think about gay people.”

“I think they’re people son, I think that there are some I like and some I don’t. Just like everyone else. I always liked Charlie though, if that’s what you want to know.”

Why was his father trying so hard to figure out what Dean was really asking? Why couldn’t he just answer the questions at face value?

“Dad,” he said firmly, emboldened by his desire to get information from his father, “What would you say if I were gay?”

“I… I don’t know.” Dean thought his dad looked perplexed. “Are you son?”

Shit. This had backfired. He knew he’d better answer quick… a witty one liner… something to deflect this… anything! But as Dean gaped, his father seemed to realize that he had his answer. Dean watched his Dad gaze into the fire, unseeing.

“Are you sure, son?”

After what had happened this morning with Cas? Yeah. Pretty sure. “Dad, I’m sorry but I need to know what you think.”

“I think this will change some things,” he said calmly. “And I think,” he added, “that your mother needs to be involved in this conversation.” Dean opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He watched helplessly as his father stood from his lawn chair and walked towards the back door of the house. The next few minutes were agony as Dean waited for his parents to come outside. He tried to plan what he’d say but it was useless. Everything he would say would just be contingent on what they said. He slumped in his chair and tugged on the worn elastic of his hoodie as he waited.

When his parents came outside, they were holding hands. They didn’t often do that, so immediately Dean knew that this conversation was important. He swallowed and twisted his hands together in his lap as his folks sat down with him. When he looked up, his father was watching the smoke and his mother was watching him.

“You have something you need to tell us sweetheart?” she encouraged.

“Um… yeah. I guess I do.”

“Sit up straight son,” his father said sharply, “Be a man about it.”

Dean nodded and rearranged himself in his seat, squaring his shoulders. Somehow, the fact that his father was telling him how to deliver his news had encouraged him. Given him the strength to do it. After so many hours and days spent agonizing about what his parents would say if they knew… he was about to find out.

“Mom, Dad, I think I’m gay.”

“You think, son, or you know?”

“I know,” he answered firmly with a nod. Then he looked to their faces to find out what would happen next.

A hug. That’s what happened next.

His mom got up from her chair and wrapped him tightly in her arms. “I love you honey,” she told him firmly, “thank you for telling us.”

Dean tried to keep his face straight and not let it crumble into happy tears at having her acceptance. He worked hard then, to summon the nerve to look at his father. The man extended a hand to him and Dean accepted it. His father’s hand closed around his firmly and they shook. When he met the man’s eye, he received a nod of approval. “That’s right son,” he said in a deep timbre that Dean had always respected, “If this is what you are then you stand firm. I’m not saying to throw it people’s faces… but don’t be ashamed. Just own it. People will respect you more that way. Not everyone will like it, but most will respect you at least.”

Dean nodded as their hands pumped. He reached with his other hand and clasped it over top of his fathers. “Thank you dad.”

“I love you, son.” he answered as he stood from his chair and hugged him.

They all sat out there for a while, watching the fire and smelling the leaves burn as the sun sank lower in the sky. The weather had been cooling over the past few weeks and fall was upon them.  Sitting around the fire together was like a farewell to the summer and it also felt like a long pause as his family adjusted to this new part of Dean that they’d never known before.

“Have you told anyone else yet?” asked his mother after a while, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Cas knows.”

“And how does he feel about it?” she asked him.

Dean wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. On the one hand, he wanted to continue this path of honesty with his parents. But on the other hand, he had no business outing Cas. What if his parents called Cas’ parents? No. He had no right to tell his folks about Cas. “Well,” he hedged, “he’s still riding to the dance with me tonight, so I think he’s okay with it.”

The three of them all busted out laughing and Dean watched his mom slide over into his father’s lap. She rested her head on his shoulder and Dean got up to add more leaves to the smoldering pile. They were still sitting out there together when Cas returned. He was dressed in dark jeans and a button down shirt; dressy compared to their normal clothes. Dean worked not to let his eyes linger on Cas while his parents were around. His friend pulled up a chair and it wasn’t long before his parents drifted into the house.

“What’s up?” said Cas casually as they watched Dean’s parents leave.

“I just came out.”

“Shit. How’d it go?”

“Better than I could have ever guessed.”

“What did your dad say?”

“He said I should stand up straight when I tell people what I am. Not be ashamed of it.”

“That’s good advice,” nodded Cas, “Hope my old man takes it that well.”

They were silent for a moment before Cas leaned forward and asked, “Are you going to tell people tonight?”

Dean remembered Charlie and how she’d taken care of him. Then he smiled as he said, “Up to you Cas. You take your time. I’ll pretend to just be your friend if you need me to.”

“You’d still kiss me? Like in secret? Even if I didn’t want to do it in public?”

“You bet,” grinned Dean, “I’ll do all kinds of stuff to you in secret.”

“Dean,” whispered Cas, “Do you know how bad I wanted to suck your dick this morning?”

“Shit,” mumbled Dean.

“Bad, Dean. I’ve been thinking about it all day. I can’t wait to be alone with you.”

Dean shifted in his seat, dick chubbing up at Cas’ dirty talk, his jeans uncomfortable now.

“Cas, man, don’t talk like that now. Save it for secret okay?”

Cas nodded and they sat together in silence for a minute or two before he said, “I’m not gonna keep you secret Dean. I don’t care who looks at us or what they say. I’ll punch any fucker who opens his mouth.”

Dean grinned at Cas and gave him a firm nod.

“I guess there’s no way your parents are letting me stay over tonight, huh.”

“Probably not,” he snickered.

“It’s going to be hard to just go home after and not stay with you.”

“I know,” whispered Dean as he imagined going to bed alone.

“Hey, what are you pouting for?” laughed Cas, “At least you have a laptop!”

 

 

 

Bobby was a good sport taking them to the dance. He sat up front like a chauffeur in his ’71 Chevelle. He was in the middle of restoring it and it was presently two colors. Dull black and primer.

Dean and Cas sat in the back together, not holding hands but closer than they would’ve sat before. The ride was a short one and when he was idling at the door to the school to let them out, he asked Dean what time he should pick them up.

“I’ll text you,” answered Dean, “Are you gonna be at my house or are you goin’ home?”

“I’ll hang with your folks,” Bobby answered, “it’s closer and you’re mom’s got left over food from the card game last night.”

“Okay. Thanks Bobby, see ya.”

Dean watched his uncle rumble out towards the street and then turned to walk into the school with Cas. If Bobby didn’t know about him yet, he certainly would when he returned to pick them up.

The gym was decorated with streamers and balloons. There was a DJ old enough to need a wheel chair and a table of punch and cookies near the door. The sweeping lights of a disco ball raced around the room and made it feel a little more like a party. There were girls in the center dancing, grouped into a loose circle and laughing self-consciously as they imitated moves from music videos.

Dean and Cas moved into the gym and joined their friends who were sitting on the bleachers. The boys exchanged greetings and sat down with their buddies who were all watching the girls dancing. Dean followed Benny’s gaze and saw that Andrea was one of the girls on the dancefloor.

The mood of the entire gym seemed to change then. Kids were whispering to each other. Looking around, Dean found the reason. Charlie and Dori had just come in. They waved to Dean’s group and he held up a hand in greeting as the two walked past them and out to the dancefloor. The circle of girls widened to accommodate them and they began to dance just as the song came to an end.

They glopped together when the next song was queued up, a slow one. People watched them as they swayed in each other’s arms, but no one intruded on them. The circle of girls had disbanded as each moved out to the sidelines to drag their guys out onto the floor. Soon Charlie and Dori weren’t the only ones out there.

Dean noticed that Andrea was headed their way and so was Jo. The two moved to tug Benny and Cole out for a dance and they stood begrudgingly from their seats to do their duty.

As he stepped away from the bleachers, Benny turned to dean. “All the good ones are taken now,” he chuckled, “guess ya should’ve asked someone, brotha.”

“I did,” answered Dean firmly. This was the moment. It was do or die time. He looked over at Cas who was sitting a few feet away and held out his hand. Cas took it without missing a beat and the two followed Benny and Cole into the swelling mass of dancing bodies.

Dean nodded to Benny as he slid his arms around Cas’ waist and watched his friend jaw-drop as he and Cas pulled in tightly and began to move together. Dean was far too self-conscious to really enjoy their first dance. His eyes roved the others around them, both friends and enemies alike, as he took in their reactions. Cole seemed to think it was a joke at first, laughing and pointing them out to Jo. But as the music continued and neither he or Cas laughed or pulled apart… he seemed to figure it out. Everyone was staring at them. Everyone.

Some, like Charlie and Dori, were smiling at them. Others, like Vic-n-Dick, were not. Dean watched the two cut across the floor and consult with Al. That could be a problem. He remembered Cas promising to punch anyone who made trouble for them. It was good to know that they were both prepared for the worst. Watching the three Slytherin house ring leaders talk about them, Dean had to admit a bit of fear gurgling up into his chest. The two of them against the world had seemed almost poetic as he’d sat comfortably in a lawn chair earlier today. Now, two seemed small. They’d be so easily out numbered.

Cas seemed to stiffen as they moved. Dean whispered, “What is it?” and that was when he first realized how close they’d really gotten as they slow danced. Dean didn’t even have to lean in to whisper to Cas. His mouth was already next to Cas’ ear.

“Crowley’s on the move,” Cas answered softly. Dean couldn’t see what Cas was looking at over Dean’s shoulder and suddenly realized that Cas couldn’t see Dean’s view either.

“Al, Vic-n-Dick are too,” he told his friend.

“Fuck,” whispered Cas.

“I know,” Dean admitted, “but fuck them, right?”

“Yeah, fuck them.”

The song was over as they spoke and the few silent seconds between songs seemed very long. Most guys were leaving the floor since a fast song was now being played. Several girls let out a shriek of excitement over the new song and moved to form another circle. As Dean and Cas turned back toward the bleachers, they were intercepted by Al.

“Is this a joke?” he sneered.

“You see me laughing?” Dean challenged. He and Cas dropped hands at that point, ready to defend themselves. From the corner of his eye Dean saw Vic-n-Dick encroaching.

“Bad enough we have to watch those dykes crawl all over each other… now you two fags wanna bump uglies in front of us too?”

Dean winced a little at the word fag. He’d known that hearing it sooner or later was inevitable. But it didn’t sting any less… not even coming from a piece of shit like Al.

“Fuck off Al,” barked Cas from beside him, “You’d take it any way you could get and you know it. Now piss off.”

Dean reached for Cas’ arm and pulled him closer as Al attempted to step between them. No way was he letting Al separate them. He knew the henchmen were nearby, he could feel it, but he kept his eyes on Al. Dean moved, and as he did, so did Cas. They turned fluidly so that they were back to back and facing outward towards their enemies with Dean still staring down Al. In his peripheral vision, he saw Crowley lingering nearby. They were so outnumbered.

To Dean’s sweet relief, he saw Benny’s face appear over Al’s shoulder… so much bigger and stronger than any of Dean and Cas’ challengers.

“Think it through Al,” husked Benny in his smooth as butter accent, “You’re gonna ruin all the fun. And ya aint gonna find a girl to have ya if your walkin around with two black eyes.”

Looking around, Cas was relieved to see Cole move up behind Crowley, Vic and Dick. Behind him, several other boys were gravitating towards them as well. Perhaps willing to be back up? More likely just coming to watch a fight. Beyond them, Charlie and Dori were watching in horror at the scene that was unfolding.

But then, Ms. Talbot stepped up with Assistant Principal Pellegrino. “Do we have a problem here, boys?” she asked in her sharp British accent.

“No ma’am,” said Vic-n-Dick as they relaxed their posture.

“Nope,” answered Al, turning towards her. Dean was stunned as Al blatantly dropped his eyes to Ms. Talbot’s cleavage.

“Best be moving on then, right?” she pressed.

“Absolutely,” he nodded to her. Then he turned to Dean and said, “See you two around.” Dean’s stomach turned. It was disturbing the way Al hissed the “s” of his words and it did nothing but solidify him in Dean’s mind as a snake. The analogy of Slytherin house was almost too good. Al’s words weren’t empty either. They carried a thinly veiled threat that this altercation wasn’t over.

Dean and Cas thanked their friends for having their backs. The rest of the night was enjoyable. They spent most of it hanging out on the bleachers with the guys, watching the girls dance and spread drama. Occasionally, the ladies would round them up for a slow dance. They all laughed their asses off when Charlie drug Cas out on the floor and the two got wild. Dean’s next few dances with Cas were much better than the first had been now that he knew they’d been accepted by their friends and didn’t need to feel so self-conscious. But every time he felt himself really relax, one of the Slytherin boys would catch his eye and Dean would try not to let them see that their evil looks were actually bothering him.

Over the years, the Slytherin guys were a constant source of irritation and frustration. But it was mostly talk. The one time they’d actually thrown down was in a parking lot after a basketball game their sophomore year. And, surprisingly, Crowley had stood with him and Cas. The few students in the lot had not intervened except to whip out phones and record the event for posterity. They cheered a bit when Dick Roman hit the cement a second time.

Dean, Cas and Crowley breathed heavily and stood watching as Vic helped Dick up off the ground and they gimped off towards Al’s car together. Then, each cradling their various injuries, they’d headed for Dean’s baby. This had been their first night out with it – Dean having gotten it from his dad for his birthday. The night was cold and there was still some lingering snow on the ground. They could see their breath as they leaned on the car and waited for Dean to unlock it.

 “Crowley,” said Cas with a laugh, “Never saw that coming. You? Switching teams? Fighting with the good guys?”

“C’mon Cas, I wanna help you… help me… help ourselves.”

“The fuck?” interjected Dean.

“I’m switching teams boys. After all, Cas here has sex appeal. And so do I. With me joining up… it’s just happy endings for all of us.”

Dean gaped at him. Crowley stepped up and pressed his finger to the bottom of Dean’s chin – making a show out of closing Dean’s mouth.

“Relax boys, I’m just saying that I look better walking down the hall with you two than with Al and Victor. Besides, it gets nauseating listening to their relentless gay bashing. I’m inclined both ways you know… an equal opportunity slut. I’ve reached the end of my patience for them.”

“Well, thanks for stepping in,” Dean said as he nodded for Crowley to get in.

He’d joined them at their lunch table from then on too. When he’d parked his tray there for the first time, Benny had moved up behind him in a very intimidating way. “S’okay,” Dean had said as he laid a firm hand on Benny’s shoulder, “He’s earned his seat.”

“Well ok then,” Benny had said with a wide grin, “welcome to the big boy’s table.”

Crowley had wisely kept a low profile the first few days. But soon enough he was an official resident of Gryffendor and as time went by, he proved himself to be a decent guy under all the snark. Plus, he had a hook up for booze which had cemented his place in their group of friends. The only problem was that Crowley seemed to have an affinity for girly drinks so Dean almost never got the whiskey that he constantly requested. The time seemed to be flying by and in no time at all, they were coming up on their junior prom. 

Charlie and Dori teased each other relentlessly about which of them would wear the tux. But in the end, they’d both chosen lovely dresses. Dean and Cas had both picked out tuxes and Cas had shouldered the cost of renting a limo. And, Cas didn’t know it, but Dean had rented a hotel room for them too.

Crowley ended up assisting a bit with Dean's plans, following him over to the hotel that afternoon to check in and get the key. He’d waited while Dean had gone up to the room and put a bottle of champagne on ice and dropped lube and condoms in the drawer of the night stand. Then, back in the parking lot, Dean had locked up his baby and left it there so they’d be able to drive home the morning after. With is well-laid plans facilitated, Dean jumped in with Crowley who then drove him back home so he could put on the monkey suit.

“Thanks man,” said Dean as he was dropped off at his own house.

“Sure thing, squirrel," he chuckled.

“Hey!” yelled Dean as Crowley began to back out of his driveway.

“What?” he barked as he stopped short.

Dean stepped up to the drivers side and leaned into the window. “You never said who you’re taking tonight.”

“You’ll see," replied Crowley with the hint of a smug smile, "I’m going to make quite an entrance.”

“Quit calling me squirrel,” snapped Dean, stepping away from the car is began backing away.

“Then quit stuffing your cheeks like one!” Crowley called out his window as he drove away.

Dean grinned and headed for the house. The sun was shining and the grass was just starting to turn green. Down their suburban street, trees were heavy with buds and some of the early flowers were starting to bloom. The air was sweet with scents of spring. Dean smiled when he stepped through the front door. His mom and dad were on the couch. His father had fallen asleep watching the game and his mother was curled up on her end of the couch with her nose in a book. He snaked a cookie from the plate she was balancing on her knee and winked at her as he headed for the stairs.

He had big plans for tonight. Since it was prom, he had no curfew. And tonight he was going to do something he hadn’t done since he was fourteen years old. He was going to sleep with Cas.

They fucked all the time. Like rabbits. They got off in closets or bedrooms at parties… they rocked the backseat of the Impala like porn stars… they even laid their coats out in their laps at the theater and jacked each other off during movies. But all their sexcapades had one thing in common. A sad kiss good-bye at curfew and the loneliness of sliding into separate beds in separate rooms of separate houses.

Not tonight. Dean’s parents knew he was planning to go to Cole’s house after prom. They likely assumed (correctly) that there would be a party. But since they didn’t have to worry about him driving drunk if he slept over there… he’d scored permission. Cas would be picking him up shortly – in a limo. They planned to take the long way to the school so they could enjoy it a little. Then after the dance, they’d ride over to Cole’s house in it. That would be the last of their limo time. They’d party all they wanted at Cole’s house and then walk a few blocks over to the hotel. Dean had already set the room up nicely and once there, they’d be free to enjoy each other in a nice bed instead of the backseat of a car. And when they were finished, they could just curl up together and fall asleep instead of having to wipe up and part company. Dean smiled warmly just thinking of it.

He stripped down and hopped in the shower for a little rub-n-tug. Then he shaved and put on his new cologne before getting dressed. Sadly, he had to have a bit of help from his mother to get the last of the clips and buttons done. She adjusted his tie and then stepped back to take him in.

“You look so handsome honey,” she crooned. “Can I take a few pictures of you?”

“Sure mom,” he said, placating her.

She clicked one of him on the stairway and another near the fireplace. Then, unexpectedly, John stepped up behind her and took the camera. “Get in there with him honey,” he said warmly.

Mary smiled brightly and stepped up to Dean’s side. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her close. His father took several shots of them before he snuck his hand up behind her head and gave her bunny ears for one.

“Let’s get one of the men too, shall we?” tried Mary.

“Oh what the hell,” grinned John as he handed over the camera.

Dean stood side by side with his father and prepared to smile. Then, just before the shutter clicked, John dropped his arm around Dean’s shoulder proudly. As they were taking the picture, the doorbell rang.

“Oh… that’ll be Cas,” said Mary bustling out of the room.

Dean turned to open the door and was stunned by how gorgeous Cas looked. His hair, normally just an untended mess atop his head, had been artfully sculpted. His bright eyes glistened, the color accentuated by the blue vest in a matching hue. John reached out and shook Cas’ hand just as Mary came back into the room. She was carrying a clear plastic box with a flower in it.

“I didn’t know if you’d want this or not,” she said softly to Dean as she passed him the box, “But I figured I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

Dean took it with a smile and thanked her for thinking of Cas. Belatedly he noticed that Cas had a similar box in his left hand too. They both tried not to smile or blush as they took turns pinning on their boutonnieres. Mary had to help a little before both had them on straight.

John, always a man of few words, vanished back to the couch while Mary moved them out to the front porch and proceeded to take even more pictures of them. They took a few just standing together and then a few with an arm around the other. She wanted one of them sitting on the little bench between her rose bushes too. Dean gritted his teeth and let his mother have her fun, mostly just grateful that his parents were accepting of his choices and that he didn’t have to be ashamed of taking a boy to his prom. Not all parents were like his. He was lucky and he knew it.

The last few pictures they took were in front of the limo and that made it easy to say good-bye and climb in. They had their fun… pushing all the buttons and helping themselves to the drinks in the little fridge. It was cheesy but they couldn’t help it. They opened up the sliding moon roof and stood up, taking in their small town with the breeze blowing through their hair. Occasionally they would meet another limo or a car load of kids from school, bound for the same destination, and honking would ensue. Excitement was building as they neared the school. This wasn’t a big town with a big school so the prom wasn’t being held at a fancy hotel. The gym had been decorated up and the theme was Studio ’54.

When they first stepped in, Dean was pleasantly surprised by how nice it looked. He’d helped a little, sitting in the cafeteria Saturday morning and filling balloons for several hours. But this was his first glimpse at the end result. Everything was glittering… the place looked like it had been hosed down in silver and gold. Tables with sparkling table cloths were scattered around the edge of the dance floor and each was decorated with a disco ball center piece. The floor was covered fog which was belching out at the DJ’s feet. Spinning lights dizzied the room and the girls were going mental. There were squeals from every direction as these chicks ran up to each other as if they hadn’t seen each other in twenty years. In reality… they’d seen each other a few hours ago when they’d been hanging the last of the decorations.

Dean and Cas stood in line with the other couples who were waiting to have their pictures taken. When they reached the front of the line, they rolled their eyes as the photographer insisted on posing them the way he wanted before snapping their picture. Finally, they were able to take a seat at their table. Cole and Jo were already there and Dean winked at Jo as he leaned in and let Cole spike his drink discreetly from a flask he’d been keeping in his tux pocket. Benny and Andrea were along shortly, waving to Charlie and Dori as they took their seats.

When an uproar swept over the room, they all swiveled their heads toward the source of the excitement.

“Shit,” laughed Dean, “He wasn’t kidding.”

“What?” asked Benny and Cole in unison as they craned their necks to see.

“Crowley,” answered Dean, “He said he was making a big entrance. He wasn’t lyin’.”

Around them all the girls were bitching and all the guys were laughing. The teachers and chaperones were shaking their heads and whispering amongst themselves.

Crowley was posing for pictures. With his dates. He had a chick on each arm. To his left Meg was preening in her skin tight, floor length silver gown. To his right, Lilith was tossing her hair as the spaghetti straps of her short gold dress worked overtime trying to keep both her breasts in. Crowley looked like Hugh frickin’ Heffner with a babe on each arm and his tie hanging around his neck undone. The gym was in an uproar. Even the vice principal seemed at a loss for what to do.

It was a good time, really. Both Dean and Cas really enjoyed the entire evening. Cole and Jo were stunned when their names were called as King and Queen. But they looked the part. Jo was shining like a new penny. Charlie and Dori were having a great time too. Dean and Cas both took a turn dancing with each before coming back together and having a slow dance for just the two of them.

When the best song of the night was played, the guys got rowdy. They danced a bit to suit their girls and then began tearing around, pulling down the balloon formations and twists of metallic streamers that had been suspended over the dance floor. It got pretty wild before people started heading over Cole’s place.

The party there was wilder. It was almost four am before Dean and Cas stumbled away from the excitement and headed for their hotel room. Both were pretty drunk, Cas leaning on Dean as they walked and palming him in the elevator despite the presence of a hotel employee who looked as though her eyes would pop out of her head.

When they pushed through the door, Cas already had his fist in Dean’s shirt and his tongue in his ear.

“Easy, man,” Dean laughed, “We’ve got all night.”

“M’not waiting anymore,” Cas slurred, “been waiting all night… need you Dean… put your hands on me.”

They fell onto the bed together, hands furiously working on buttons and zippers and fucking cufflinks.

“Fucking cufflinks…” husked Dean as he tugged at Cas’ arm.

They tore at each other like hungry animals and the moment a patch of skin revealed itself, Cas had his tongue on it. He licked along Dean’s chest and shoved his face forward trying to get under Dean’s shirt to suck his nipple.

“Ah…” whispered Dean as Cas went to work on him. He continued to pull his arms out of his shirt and once he was free he went to work on liberating Cas from his shirt too.

“I can’t decide,” panted Cas, “If I want to fuck or be fucked.”

“Both Cas,” said Dean loudly as he shimmied his hips to try and help Cas tug his pants off, “We have time for both.”

“Well then,” said Cas, licking down Dean’s belly in one long stripe, “Which is first? Can I blow you?”

“God yes, blow me Cas,” said Dean loudly, loving that they didn’t have to worry about being overhead.

Cas didn’t tease. He sucked Dean into his mouth like he wanted to swallow him whole.

“Fuck Cas! You’ve really got a mouth on you.”

“Mhmm” moaned Cas as he worked to wet every inch of Dean’s shaft.

“Damn you know what to do, don’t you baby.”

“Mhmm” came the garbled response from Cas’ mouth as he worked to take in more of Dean’s fat cock.

Dean worked furiously to get Cas’ pants off and then pulled his man up and around. Cas let Dean guide him and after a few minutes of clumsy knees and elbows they both had a face full of dick. They’d never been able to do a sixty nine before, having never really had the space or the unlimited privacy they were enjoying now. But as they suckled each other, they both made noises of soft contentment. Both were fully appeased with a cock sized pacifier in their mouths and hands skimming over strong thighs and supple butt cheeks.

When Dean passed his nimble fingers over Cas’ crack, his lovers back arched in response. Dean was deprived of dick for a hot second, his mouth chasing it down and gobbling it back up only to work it even deeper into the back of his throat.

“Don’t,” said Cas, pulling off for a second and breathing heavily, “Don’t. Want. To cum. Yet.”

“Oh baby,” shushed Dean, “Just cum. Cum on my fucking face, I don’t care. Just cum. We can just rest and fuck again.”

“Yeah,” whispered Cas, “We have all night.”

“It’s still not long enough,” Dean growled before returning his attention to Cas’ heavy cock.

“I know. I need a week,” mumbled Cas as he licked Dean’s balls.

“A month”

“A year.”

“Forever,” whispered Dean, pausing for a quiet moment to look up at Cas’ face.

“Forever,” agreed Cas.

Dean watched his friends face as they both realized how much they meant the hopelessly romantic words they were saying to each other. Then, slowly, their eyes slid shut as they slipped their mouths back onto each other. Dean felt his stomach dip as Cas sucked down hard and fast and soon they were growing wild again, bucking against the swell of passion that was rolling between them. Dean had mastered the art of the blow job. He knew how to suck some cock and he was proud of his prowess. He loved having Cas whimper as he worked his magic… loved having his hair pulled and hearing his name called out. But now, with Cas working on him too, it was difficult to keep his focus. The closer he got to shooting, the sloppier he got.

“Mmm,” Cas moaned, “Dean,” he called between licks, “M’gonna scream when you fuck me.” The words shot straight to his dick and he felt himself pulse and grow bigger at Cas’ words.

“I always have to hold back,” Cas panted, “Even though you make me want to be noisy.”

Dean pulled off Cas with a pop. “Not tonight,” he grinned.

“Not tonight,” agreed Cas.

“I wanna make you scream, Cas. Can’t wait to fuck you. Don’t hold back!”

“Gonna fuck me so hard, Dean,” Cas breathed as he plunged down on Dean’s cock and let it hit the back of his throat violently. He pulled off and prepared to do it again, his throat aching from the abuse and still wanting more, “Make me cum, Dean.”

Dean dropped his mouth back on Cas. His jaw was aching from the work of it now and he loved the feeling. He shoved himself down hard and each time he bobbed back up he had to pull off for a second to keep from gagging. Each time he felt Cas swelling larger in his mouth he found himself that much closer to his own end. His dick wasn’t just throbbing it was practically pounding and Cas was warm and wet around him, letting him fuck in with writhing hips, taking him so well.

Dean slid his fingers up and down in the wet track between Cas’ cheeks. He pulled off and licked down the side of his lover’s shaft, strained his neck forward and ran his tongue over Cas’ puckered hole. He felt it flutter and twitch. With that, he shoved his finger in harshly and felt Cas clench up. He put his mouth back on Cas’ wet, slippery dick and plunged down hard while he pushed a second finger into Cas’ tight hole.

Immediately Cas came, a shout stifled by Dean’s heavy cock in his mouth. Dean’s mouth was suddenly full of Cas’ load and he worked to swallow. Slimy jizz filled every crevice – sliding between his teeth and his cheeks, under his tongue and down his throat. He wanted to swallow it down porn star style, but he never seemed to be able to really do it right. Always, he wound up with a mess on his face because his lips, weak from blowing, couldn’t hold it in. He never wanted to pull off either… he knew how good it felt to come down Cas’ throat and he wanted Cas to feel that good too. So he did his best to swallow each time. But, just like tonight, he had to close his mouth and force the swallow. So he wound up pulling off before Cas was done and then got himself a face full too.

“Sorry,” he choked out as he worked to jack Cas through it since he’d been unable to keep him in his mouth.

“Don’t be,” replied Cas earnestly as he turned his body to get his face up near Deans. “I love it when you get dirty for me,” he said as he kissed Dean’s wet lips and sloppy face. “I fucking love it,” he repeated as he licked Dean’s lips and kissed his way into Dean’s mouth.  Then he pulled back to look at Dean again. “I love it. I love you.”

“I love you too, Cas,” laughed Dean as he grabbed someone’s shirt from beside them and wiped his face.

“Forever?” Cas asked him as they settled down together.

Dean smiled, utterly content as Cas snuggled in beside him. “Forever, Cas.”

.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think?


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